One Step At a Time
by BettyHT
Summary: A simple accident and later a brawl in a saloon have devastating consequences. A new friend will make all the difference in the outcome.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Mer, mer, merry Chris, Chris, Christmas, Pa." Just three words and said with a stutter and a very hoarse voice, but the words were magical to Ben Cartwright. Months earlier, an innocent set of circumstances had led to a grueling recuperation for his son. Adam, Hoss, and Joe had gone out to repair some fencing.

"Adam, they got them hurdy gurdy girls up at the mining camp that just sprung up. Ya want to go see 'em?"

"Hoss, do you know what a hurdy gurdy is?"

"Well, no, but it sounds like a gal who likes to have fun."

"A hurdy gurdy is an instrument. These ladies play the instrument and dance."

"Well, you like to dance, dontcha?"

"They don't necessarily dance with men. They dance for entertainment."

"Like on a stage or such? That's be fun too."

"You just want to stop patching fence and have some fun and probably some beer?" Hoss' grin was the only answer Adam needed. He smiled but reminded Hoss of how expensive drinks were likely to be in that mining camp.

"I'd still like to go. It ain't like I got a whole lot of other things to spend money on."

"Hoss, you could invest your wages."

"Why would I want to do that? Then I'd just have a whole lot more money and nothing to spend it on. A few beers, being entertained by them hurdy gurdy gals, and a lady for a little pleasure, and I'm happy as a pig in a fresh mud wallow."

"That's an image that I'll wish I never had."

"You feeling all right? I know when you and Joe fell with them fence posts, you banged your head a bit."

"It was nothing. I don't even have a headache. Joe got the worst of it with his ankle. He won't be working for a week or two."

"Heck, with Joe, it could be a month. Let's get this section done so we can go home and clean up. I want to check out those hurdy gurdy girls tonight."

Smiling, Adam nodded. They had been working very hard for weeks, and with Joe hurting, they would be working even harder. A night out for entertainment and a few drinks was likely to make them think the next workday was twice as long, but like Hoss, he was thinking that they did need some fun. The two brothers got that day's work done and headed home. Their father was not at all happy to learn of their plans, but he could hardly say no to his sons who were men. Joe wanted to go along, but that Ben was able to veto.

"You can't walk, and you can't work. There is no possible way that you're riding to a mining camp where who knows what might happen, and then riding home in the dark. It's bad enough that your two older and supposedly wiser brothers are doing it, but at least they're still healthy at this point."

"Sorry, little brother, but me and Adam will tell you all about it tomorrow."

With a jaunty wave, Adam followed Hoss out of the house. Within an hour, they were at the mining camp. The noise and the smells let them find it even in the dark, and as they rode closer, the torches that were lit by the bathhouse, the saloon, and the tent where ladies entertained men made their destination appear bright and cheery on a dark night. Hoss ordered two beers immediately and grabbed an empty table without hardly ever taking his eyes off the two hurdy gurdy girls entertaining the throng of miners. Within a few minutes, Hoss had finished the first beer and wanted a second. He noticed Adam had only had a few sips of his.

"What's wrong? Dontcha like the beer here?"

"It's fine. I guess maybe I got too much sun today. My stomach isn't liking it much."

"Well, I'm getting another two. Ifn you don't want yours, I'll drink it myself. You can stay sober and make sure I get home safe and sound. It'll make Pa happy."

Two hours later, Adam was still nursing that same beer although Hoss had had quite a few and didn't realize that Adam was not keeping up with him at all. Several miners came over to their table looking unhappy with them by the glowers they were sending their way.

"It ain't right you cowboys had this table all night. You ain't even regulars here. We spend money here every night and ought to have this table, so if you two would go stand by the bar, everything would be just fine."

"Now, fellas, we paid for our drinks, and we've got every right to this table. Now ifn a couple of ya would like to pull up a couple of chairs and join us, now that would be right fine with us. Right, Adam?"

"Hoss, let's just go. It's late, and we've got a full day of work tomorrow."

"Are you saying we don't do a full day of work? You think you're better'n us?"

"No, we've got a long ride just to get home, and then we have to be up at dawn."

"It sounds like you think we don't get up early to work." By then, four of the men had surrounded Adam who had stood in preparation for leaving.

"Adam, you can't just let 'em push us out of here like this."

"Hoss, let's just go. I don't want any trouble."

It was too late. The miners were ready for a fight, and two strangers in their midst seemed like very good targets. One grabbed Adam by the shoulder spinning him around and hitting him. He fell back on the table, but when he tried to get up, he got hit again. There were soon fists flying toward all sorts of targets. Adam did his best to get to the exit before he got hit too much, but took a few blows before he managed that. He saw Hoss in the midst of the melee but couldn't help him. He had to lean on the tent pole at the exit just to keep his feet as dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. Then the nausea hit full force, and he had to stagger to the side of the tent where he retched for a minute. He felt a hand on his shoulder then, and Hoss was there.

"You all right there, pardner? I didn't think you had that much to drink."

"No, but I guess it was too much. Maybe I got too much sun today. I was feeling a bit dizzy while we were working out there this afternoon, and I've had a headache since then. It probably wasn't a good idea for me to come with you tonight."

"Well, let's get our horses and head on home before those miners realize we ain't in there no more. This was a great night, and to top it off with a good barroom brawl was even better."

Mounting up on Sport, Adam shook his head a bit at Hoss, but then he wished he hadn't. His headache increased significantly and the dizziness was back making his stomach roil again even though it was empty. By the time they got home, Hoss was feeling about the same as Adam. Both hoped that their father wasn't awake when they got home, but they weren't lucky on that score either. When Ben saw their faces and the bruises they had, he had that look that said he thought his sons had acted like fools.

"Tomorrow is a regular workday. I expect both of you up at dawn and headed out to get that branding started." With that, Ben had headed up the stairs. He still had trouble sleeping when he knew his sons were out drinking and likely coming home late. He would be a bit cranky himself the next day due to sleep deprivation but had no sympathy for his sons whom he felt had brought this on themselves very unnecessarily.

At breakfast the next morning, Joe was happy not to be the one receiving his father's glare. Adam got most of it because of the bruises on his chin and that he didn't eat any breakfast but only drank coffee and not much of that. Adam was exhausted. He hadn't slept well finding it almost impossible to get comfortable no matter what position he was in. That morning when he got out of bed, he had to grab the bedpost so he wouldn't tip over until he could get the room to stop spinning. He struggled to do every task and found that familiar actions required significant effort to complete. Even his shaving had left something to be desired which his family noticed with the nicks he had inflicted upon himself. Normally Adam wore a clean shirt every day, but that morning, he had thought it was enough effort just to put on the shirt that had been tossed on the floor the night before. He even seemed oblivious to the fact that his father was angry with him. Ben was thinking that he had too much to drink and had gotten into a fight too because Hoss had said that he stepped in to help Adam who was fighting with four miners. Hoss had been surprised that Adam didn't mention that it was Hoss who instigated the fight. He guessed that Adam wanted something from him and had done him that favor in order to get it. After breakfast and chores, the two men saddled their horses and headed out to do some branding. Adam said nothing as it took all of his concentration to complete what had to be done.

Once the brothers reached the branding corral, Hoss ended up giving orders as Adam moved to start a fire and heat the irons they would need. Several times that morning, Hoss had to remind Adam to pull the branding iron before it got too hot.

"Dadburnit, Adam, you know we want to brand these cattle not wound 'em. You keep letting that branding iron get too hot and we gotta hold these critters down an extra long time so it can cool a bit. It's all ya got to do. Can't you do a better job than that? Where's your head at this morning anyway?"

"Sorry, Hoss. I'll do better." Using every bit of concentration he had, Adam was able to work through the afternoon. Hoss noticed that he kept his hat pulled down low over his eyes as if the sun was too bright. As they rode home later, Hoss had to ask.

"You all right? You didn't seem at all like yourself today."

"I'm fine. I guess I need some sleep because I feel very tired."

After they got home and cared for the horses, Adam walked slowly to the house. Hoss could believe he was tired, but what he didn't know was that Adam walked slowly because after the ride back, the whole world seemed to be spinning around. Once they were in the house, Adam headed up to his room saying he wasn't hungry and needed to sleep. Ben spoke to him as he neared the stairs.

"At your age, you should have known it was a bad idea to stay out late drinking and brawling when you had to work the next day." Ben got no response from his eldest son which surprised him, but he had nothing more to say to him that hadn't already been said.

In his room, Adam found sleep as elusive as it had been the night before. Finally after a few hours of tossing and turning, he sat at his desk with a blanket wrapped around him. He leaned down and rested his head on his arm. That's how he fell asleep and where he was when the light of dawn woke him the next morning. He had even more trouble dressing, shaving, and doing necessary things than he had the day before. He wore the same shirt he had worn for two days, but had to pull on a clean pair of jeans because the ones from the day before were stiff with dirt and smelled terrible. He went down to breakfast and poured a small amount of coffee into his cup, but he didn't drink any more after only one sip. He tossed his napkin on his plate and headed out to the stable before his father and brothers made it down to the table. Thinking Adam had eaten and gone to do chores, Hoss was surprised later to find him sitting on a bale of hay and doing nothing.

"Dadburnit, you didn't do anything since you got out here. Now let's get these chores done and these horses saddled so we can head out to get the rest of the branding done."

"Don't yell. If you'd gotten out of bed a little sooner, we could already be going."

Adam's hostile and terse response was only a sampling of what was to come all day long. Hop Sing had a complaint to Ben after he went to get laundry to take to town.

"All big mess. Blanket on floor. Dirty pants on floor. Dirty clothes all over. Mess by chamber pot. Hop Sing go back China."

"Hop Sing, I'll talk to Joseph. He'll do better. I can guarantee it."

"Not Mister Joe. It Mister Adam leave big mess."

"Adam? What's gotten into that boy these last couple of days? All right, I'll talk to him. You'll be getting an apology, I'm sure." It wasn't to be however. At the end of the day, Hoss stormed into the house.

"Pa, ya gotta talk to him. I'm about ready to kick him in the ass a few times."

"Who?"

"Adam! He spent the whole day complaining to everybody and about everybody. We got blamed near six hands about ready to quit with all the nasty things he had to say. He was worse than a mangy cur to work with today."

"I'll go talk with him. You get washed up. Hop Sing is already in a bad mood, and I don't want it to get any worse."

"Who got Hop Sing upset?" Seeing his father's look, Hoss knew. "What got into him anyway? Dang, but it ain't been a pleasant couple days to work with him."

Ben put out both hands because he didn't know either. He walked to the stable and found Adam sitting on a hay bale with his head down. Ben walked over and put his hand on his son's shoulder. His anger had dissipated seeing how dejected Adam looked. Something had to be troubling him greatly to make him look like that and act the way he had been acting. "Adam, what's wrong?"

With his head down, Adam answered softly. "Pa, I don't know. I made everybody mad at me today, and it was like I couldn't stop myself."

"Maybe you need a break. Why don't you think about taking the day off tomorrow and just let yourself relax. I know I've been pushing awful hard for the past month or so. But being short of hands for the work is no reason to push my sons to their limits." Ben sat on the same bale Adam was sitting on and was shocked when his son leaned into him for a hug. Those occasions were so rare, and Ben treasured them so much that he didn't think to question why it was happening. He comforted his son as much as he could. "Now why don't you come in to dinner, and we'll all say we're sorry and mend any damage that's been done?"

"All right, Pa. I just have to give Sport some grain. I was going to do it, but I was tired and sat down for a minute."

Standing, Ben squeezed Adam's shoulder and reminded him to put out the lantern before walking to the house. Once inside, Ben saw Hoss and Joe waiting for him. Joe looked upset too. "What did he say to you?"

"I went into the stable when they got back to see how things went. He called me a malingerer, and said I ought to be back at work by now."

"I talked to him. He's exhausted. I told him to come in to dinner, and we'd make peace. Now that's what I want. All right?"

Noticing their father's shirt, Hoss and Joe almost asked the same thing at the same time. "Pa, how'd you get blood on your shirt?"

Ben looked down at the blood on his shirt. It was where Adam's head had rested when Ben had hugged him. He stood and ran to the stable with a mystified Joe and Hoss soon following behind. Adam lay on the floor of the stable. Ben knelt by his side and felt for a pulse grateful beyond measure to find one. Then he reached to brush the curls away from Adam's ear and saw where blood had leaked from his ear. Hoss and Joe stood in shock.

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know, Joe, but Hoss, can you carry him into the house. Joe, go ask one of the hands to ride for the doctor. Something is terribly wrong."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Doctor Martin wasn't there for two more hours. Hop Sing had no idea what to do either, so Ben sat by his son's side and prayed. He knew that bleeding from the ear could indicate a brain injury, but Adam had no bruises or swelling anywhere on his head that Ben could find. Yet, he was unconscious and completely unresponsive. When the doctor arrived, he had them all leave the room, and he spent almost an hour examining his patient before he came out to talk with the family who waited in the hallway outside Adam's room.

"There's no sign of infection and no wound anywhere on his body. I even looked for insect bites because I was worried it might be spotted fever. Now, can you tell me where he's been and what he's been doing?"

"He's been working on the ranch every day including today. I first realized he was bleeding from his ear when I gave him a hug and got blood on my shirt."

"Pa, me and Adam did go to the miners' camp two nights ago. But I think he might have already been feeling a bit peaked even before the fight."

"Fight?"

"Well, I kinda had some beer and talked smart to some miners. Adam wanted to leave, but they was so riled up that they wanted to fight. Adam got hit a few times but I never saw anybody hit him in the head."

"Describe the fight to me in detail especially anything you saw Adam do or anything done to him."

"Well, he got hit and fell back on the table where we'd been sitting. He stood up and got hit again. After that, I didn't see him much until I saw him leaning on the tent pole where we come in. Then he left so I hurried on outta there. He was being sick next to the tent, and then we rode home."

"Did he have a lot to drink?"

"No, come to think on it, he mighta only had that one beer. He said he was feeling kinda under the weather. He said maybe he had too much sun cause he had been feeling kinda woozy that afternoon and had a bit of a headache."

"Hoss, it sounds like you spent quite a bit of time with Adam. Did you notice anything else out of the ordinary?"

"Well, he ain't been eating. I don't think I've seen him eat much of anything since that morning when Joe tipped the fence posts over on him."

"Tell me what happened with the fence posts."

"Well, Joe and Adam and me were fixing fence. We had a stack of fence posts standing up to dry out. Joe stepped in a rabbit hole or something and twisted his ankle and fell against the posts. Adam was kneeling down on the other side of them twisting some wire to tighten it on a post, and they all kinda fell against him. Joe was howling so much that I didn't ask Adam how he was, but he was right there helping with Joe so I didn't figure he got hurt at all."

"Did Adam get hit in the back of his head or the front or the top?"

"Back of his head, I guess. Why?"

"The best I can determine is that Adam has bleeding in his brain. I think it happened when those posts fell against his head. It probably wasn't that much of a bleed, and if he had been put to bed to rest and stay still, it might have stopped on its own. But instead, he continued working, went riding to the miners' camp as well as to work on the ranch, and got in a fight where he was hit at least twice and probably more. Now he has a major problem. He is not reacting to anything."

"Oh, my God, and I sent him out to work even knowing he was feeling sick. I thought it was because he had been drinking and didn't get enough sleep either."

"Don't feel bad, Pa. I'm the one who bashed his head in to start it all." Joe was feeling guilty although he had done nothing wrong. It had been an accident. Hoss told him that.

"Doc, why didn't Adam tell us he was feeling that awful?"

"Hoss, with head injuries, the ability to think, to reason, to analyze, and all those other things Adam could do so well are damaged. He probably knew something was very wrong, but he didn't have the ability to know what it was nor how to tell you about it. Did he say anything about how he felt before he passed out?"

Ben had been the one who had been with him when he was last conscious. "He told me he didn't know what was wrong with him. He said he couldn't do anything right and couldn't seem to stop himself. He said he had trouble sleeping but was very tired."

"That fits. Were there any other changes in his behavior that anyone noticed?"

"Hop Sing complained today about Adam leaving a mess in his room." That surprised both Hoss and Joe who knew how neat Adam was in his room especially. Then Joe remembered more.

"He cut himself shaving the last two mornings. He wore a dirty shirt too when we all know he likes to wear a clean one every day."

"Sadly, everything you're telling me fits with my initial diagnosis. Confusion, lack of coordination, trouble sleeping, tiredness, changes in behavior, and everything else point to bleeding or swelling in his brain. It could be both."

"What can we do?" Ben was getting even more worried than he had been.

"We can keep him still and keep it quiet around him and wait for him to wake up."

"Doc, what if he don't wake up?"

Doctor Martin didn't answer Hoss immediately, which was answer enough. After a few moments, the doctor had more bad news. "Even if he wakes up, he may not be the same man he was before. There is likely to be some damage to his brain. While he's unconscious, we have no way of knowing what the damage might be."

"What kind of changes?" Hoss asked the question but Ben and Joe wanted to know as well.

"There are many possibilities and perhaps none may happen."

"Paul, my sons and I want to know what the possibilities are so that we can be prepared."

"Ben, I don't know that anyone can be prepared. With softening of the brain, senses such as hearing, vision, speech, and sight can be lost. Sometimes the arm and the leg on one side are paralyzed. Sometimes people lose the ability to read and write. Sometimes memories are lost but the ones most likely to be affected are those immediately before and after the initial injury. There simply is no way of knowing how Adam will be affected. Any of these could happen or none."

Ben felt that he was in a nightmare. He could only hope that he would wake up and find that none of this had been real. Doctor Martin promised to be back the next day. Ben sat by Adam's side all night even though Hoss and Joe both volunteered to take shifts. As the sun rose the next morning, Hoss was in Adam's room where he found his father sitting with his hand resting on Adam's chest.

Whispering very softly, Hoss asked a question. "Any change, Pa?"

Just as softly, Ben answered. "Nothing. Paul said that might be a good thing that he doesn't get any worse. His heart is still beating strongly and his breathing is regular. Nothing has changed."

"Pa, I'll sit with him so you can get cleaned up and get some breakfast. Then you should try to get some sleep. We all gotta work together for Adam's sake. It ain't gonna do him any good if you collapse too."

"I'll clean up and get Hop Sing to send some breakfast up here."

"Pa, Doc said to keep it quiet for Adam. It would be best ifn we don't have our meals in here. It might not sound like much to us, but he's gonna hear all that clinking of the forks and such against the plates."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I was thinking of myself. I'll eat some breakfast after I clean up. But I'm sleeping in that chair in here. I can't be away from him that long."

"All right, Pa. That's good."

For the next day, Ben took turns with his two younger sons as they watched over Adam, but when Ben slept, it was in the upholstered chair in Adam's room or the rocker that Joe brought in for them to use. There was no change in Adam's condition as far as they could tell. On the next morning, Doctor Martin was back again. He checked over his patient, and then as he sat by Adam's side, he called his name. Ben as well as Hoss and Joe wondered why he was doing that. "He's sleeping. He's no longer unconscious."

Adam's eyes began blinking and then he opened them. There was a collective sigh of relief in the room because they knew that he would survive. The next few moments would tell them how much damage had been done. Holding Adam's right hand, Paul asked a few questions and got no response.

"Adam, are you thirsty? Would you like a sip of water? Can you squeeze my hand?" He reached across Adam's body and squeezed Adam's left hand. "Can you squeeze my hand now?" Paul felt a weak response in the left hand. Holding Adam's left hand with his left hand, Paul reached down to pull the blanket from Adam's feet. He rubbed his right hand up and down the bottom of Adam's right foot. There was no reaction. "Adam, can you feel me touching your foot? Squeeze my hand if you do." He didn't squeeze. Then Paul repeated with the left foot. The toes curled with the stimulation and Adam squeezed Paul's hand when asked. "Adam, can you say your name?" There was silence and some of it was because the Cartwrights were holding their breath waiting for that answer that never came. "If you can see me clearly, squeeze my hand." Again there was no response. "If you can see me but your vision is blurred, squeeze my hand." Again there was no response. "If I'm fuzzy, squeeze my hand." He squeezed Paul's hand then. Hop Sing was there with broth. "If you want something to drink, squeeze my hand." After the squeeze, Paul took a very small amount on the spoon and put it in Adam's mouth. He swallowed which made Paul sigh in relief. He asked Hop Sing if he would please spoon the rest of the broth for Adam after Hoss got him propped up with an extra pillow. Doctor Martin pointed to the hallway then and the others trooped out after him.

"I know you're all very happy to see him awake, and yes, by everything I know, that means he will survive this. But he has some significant problems as a result at least for now. He seems to be paralyzed and numb on his right side. He seems not to be able to talk or he would have tried by now. He can see but his vision is blurry. I think some of that will clear up as his brain heals. However, some things may not clear up so easily and perhaps not at all."

There was silence as the family tried to assimilate the information they had just been given. They tried to picture an Adam who couldn't walk, and all of them remembered his profound sadness at being confined to a wheelchair for a time. He still occasionally had pain because of the injuries that had caused that. What none of them could imagine was an Adam without speech. So much of what he was seemed to be based on his ability to express himself so well. They had to wonder how he would react when someone said something to him and he couldn't respond. Of course they had to wonder if he would even understand if someone was talking to him in a derogatory manner. He had demonstrated some difficulty in understanding Paul when he asked questions of him. All of them had heard Paul use simpler words in his questions after Adam did not respond. Finally Ben had to ask the basic questions.

"What do we do for him? How do we care for him?"

"For now, he's still healing. Keep him still and quiet. Get him to drink to make up for the fluids he lost, and he can start eating some soft foods. I'm sure Hop Sing knows what to do and what he likes. I'll be back every day until his vision clears. When that happens, I'll have more instructions for you. For now, I need to take a look at the journals I've been getting and send out some telegrams. This is an area that is getting a lot of study now, and I need to know what the latest treatments are and how successful they have been. Until then, keep him quiet and still."

"Will he lay there like that?"

"He's very tired yet from his ordeal. That will change, but until then, he needs to stay right where he is. I'll be back every day until I see that he's starting to recover."

"You can talk to him about ordinary things. Be sure to hold his left hand when you do it. It's his only way of communicating at the moment. Keep any questions very simple. He's having some trouble understanding."

"Is that one of his problems?"

"Only temporary like the vision, I think. He understood what I was saying when I simplified it just like he could see me but I was fuzzy. He'll slowly get his thoughts in order and his vision will improve. I'm almost sure of that."

"As Hoss would say, it's the 'almost' that worries me."

Doctor Martin left then, but he was at the Ponderosa every day for a week. He kept checking Adam's right arm and leg. He had no feeling and didn't move them at all regardless of stimulation. Paul had poked both of them with a pin a number of times over that week. Adam never reacted. He made no sound either no matter what was done, but he did grimace and reach for any person who did something that hurt.

"Ben, Adam's recuperation is likely to be very long. Now you and the boys have a ranch to run, and you told me you're already short-handed. You should consider hiring a nurse for Adam."

"We can care for my son. We don't need a stranger coming into our house to do what a family does to take care of a sick family member."

"That's just it, Ben. He's not sick. Not any more. What he needs is a lot of attention. Someone needs to bathe him, make sure he's got clean clothing, and help him with his meals. There should also be exercises for his right arm and leg so that the muscles don't weaken too much with inactivity."

"Could Ann do that like she did for Johnny?"

"Don't you remember, Ben? Johnny got that job in Stockton, and the two of them moved there. Besides, she's got a little one to care for now. No, I had in mind a woman who recently arrived in town. Her brother is a doctor in San Francisco. She's had a lot of medical training and experience. She worked as a nurse in Washington during the War. She hoped to find some work here. I don't need another nurse. If she's still available, she would be a good choice. She's very businesslike but friendly enough."

"Well, I'll talk it over with Hoss and Joe. Could you ask her if she's interested? What's her name, by the way?"

"Leah Rachel Gibbons. Ben, I'm sure she'll want the job, and it's the best chance for Adam to recover from this. Most families don't have the resources you have to hire someone to care for a man who's had this happen. If anyone is going to recover fully, it's Adam if he gets the right help."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

To Adam, it felt like being lost in a fog or a blizzard. He could sense many familiar things, but some of what went on around him was inexplicable. He saw his father and brothers, and they looked so sad. He didn't feel sick and felt no pain. He didn't understand why they looked so sad. He wanted to tell them not to feel sad, but he couldn't find the words or how to say them. When people talked to him, he understood some words but too many sounded like so much gibberish. When they used just a few words, he picked out some that he understood, but sometimes they talked a lot. When they did that, he couldn't understand what was being said because as the meaning of one word would come to him, they would already be using others. He couldn't keep up. He liked when the doctor talked to him. He asked simple things and waited for Adam to answer. Everyone else except the cook who fed him, talked too much.

Then this stranger came into his room. She held his hand like everyone else did, but she said only one word at a time. It was such a relief to have such a simple conversation. He smiled with relief, and he heard all sorts of conversation in the room. It made his head hurt, and he grimaced in response.

Leah turned toward the Cartwrights and Doctor Martin and spoke very softly. "It would be better if you all left unless you can remain silent. You're hurting him by talking so much. I dealt with men who had similar injuries because they were too close to explosions in the War. Now, leave or be quiet."

Ben was a bit perturbed at being ordered to be quiet in his own house, but Paul smiled as he put a hand on Ben's arm. He whispered very softly to his old friend. "I told you she knew what she was doing. Now, isn't the most important thing to help Adam? She already got him to smile and that's something we didn't do in well over a week of caring for him."

Leah started over then, and it went even better than it had just a few minutes before. She squeezed his left hand once and said yes. Adam squeezed her hand once to agree. She squeezed his left hand twice and said no. Adam frowned as it was clear he wasn't sure how to answer. It took nearly a minute before he squeezed her hand once. He had agreed that two squeezes were no. He smiled again, and Ben's heart grew to include this young woman who had already made a difference in his son's life. Doctor Martin pointed to the door so that they could let Leah get to know Adam better and make a more complete diagnosis based on her experience and training.

Downstairs, Ben sat with his younger sons talking with Doctor Martin. He hoped that Leah would have good news, and from what he had seen in her first encounter with Adam, that was likely to be true. It was nearly an hour before Leah descended the stairs.

"First of all, Mr. Cartwright, I will take this job. I wasn't sure until I met your son, but now I think that I can help him quite a lot. Perhaps even better news is that I think his language deficit is temporary. He very quickly understood words as long as I presented them one or two at a time. As he recovers, he'll be able to understand simple sentences and eventually longer more complex ones. For now, I ask that if you speak with him, say only one or two words to him and then wait until he responds."

"So you think he'll talk again?"

"I'm not sure about that."

"But you said he understands language?"

"Yes, Mr. Cartwright, when he's listening, but speaking is another issue. Tomorrow I'll see if he can recognize words I write on a card. If he does, he's going to have a much better way to communicate with us. But at this point, we have no way of knowing what damage was done to his brain. Now someday doctors will likely map out what is done by each part of the brain, but anything you see with that now is quackery. No one actually knows. If he could make some sounds, I would be more confident that he will get the ability to speak again, but he was silent with me. Has he made any sound that any of you have heard?" Everyone gave a negative response to that question. Adam had been silent since he had passed out in the stable.

"Well then the plan is to keep him quiet yet for a few days to be sure the bleeding in his brain has stopped and there is no more danger there. I'll start working with him on language. In a few days, especially if his confusion diminishes, then I'll start working with him on exercises for his arm and leg. He doesn't seem to realize the extent of that problem yet. When he does, he may get upset. How much of a temper does he have when things don't go his way?"

Leah could have guessed the answer by the looks on their faces, but she didn't have to when Hoss finally answered.

"My brother, Adam, can be a right sweet and nice man ifn he wants to be. He sure can charm the ladies when he's a mind too. You saw that smile he has, and well he can talk almost anybody into anything when he gets to smiling like that and talking real purty. Now I don't mean to scare ya none, but, he can be a dadburned cuss ifn he wants to be too. He likes things to go his way, and he can stomp around yelling and kicking and throwing things when he's upset." Hoss realized what he had said and could only hope to see another of those temper tantrums at some point.

Knowing how difficult it was for the family to talk about Adam and the way he had been while dealing with how he might be in the future, Leah tried to be encouraging. "I've dealt with men like that too. He likes to be in charge, and suddenly to be dependent on others and taking orders from a woman is going to irritate him a great deal. Soon he's going to understand that his right side is paralyzed. When that happens, you can expect an explosion of his temper. Men with such an injury often have trouble controlling their emotions. You can know that no matter what he does, I will continue to be his nurse. He won't be able to scare me off."

"When do you expect my son to act this way?"

"I would say to expect emotional reactions over the next few days as he figures out what has happened to him. I can explain it from the medical side, but he's going to know it from the personal side. He's going to feel helpless and humiliated."

"Ma'am, why is my brother going to feel humiliated?"

"Hoss, how would you feel if you couldn't take care of your own, ah, basic needs? He's going to need help with everything. Now I'm going to need a room close to his if possible."

"Hoss, would you please show Leah to the first guest room. It's the smallest one, but it's the closest to Adam's room."

Hop Sing brought dinner to Adam's room, and Leah was there to help him eat his meal even as she ate hers. She cut his food into small pieces and held the plate so that he could use his left hand to eat. She was very patient saying nothing when he dropped some food. He looked at her expecting a negative reaction, but instead she simply put the food back on his plate and readjusted his napkin to better catch anything that fell. She said nothing as he ate because she did not want to add to his sensory load at that point. After dinner, she asked some simple questions about the meal. He had liked it, and had liked being able to feed himself. Then Adam pointed at the window in his room. It was closed and the curtains were pulled shut.

"Do you want the window open?" Adam nodded slowly which was the first time she had seen that reaction. "It's closed so that the light doesn't hurt your eyes." Adam had a quizzical look to that one so Leah decided to try opening the curtains. She did and was rewarded with one of Adam's smiles. She could readily believe Hoss' assertion that he could charm the ladies with that smile. It was working on her, and he wasn't even trying.

Adam pointed at the window again because he had always liked his window open except in the coldest of weather. His father had told him often that he could use less blankets if he shut the window, but Adam liked the fresh air. He pointed and Leah knew what he likely wanted. She decided to open it and see how things went. She got one of those gorgeous smiles from him again, and this time, she realized he had a deep dimple in his left cheek. It made the smile even more engaging. At first with the window open, there were not many noises. The hands as well as the family were eating dinner. Soon after that though, there was quite a bit of activity. Leah could see that Adam got a bit agitated with the sounds of conversation coming in from down below his window, but when a game of horseshoes was started, he shook his head and grimaced with the clang of metal on metal. Leah quickly moved to the window and closed it. She turned back to Adam to see that he had his eyes closed. She moved to his desk and took a piece of heavy paper he had there for drawing architectural plans. She cut a small square and wrote 'hurt' on it. Then she wrote another card that said 'please' and then wrote out about ten more words. She only planned to use a few of them that evening but decided the time was right to see if her plan would work. When Adam opened his eyes again, she held up the card with 'hurt' written on it, and then held up the one with 'yes' on it. Adam pointed at the cards. She set those two cards on the bed, and Adam looked over at the stack she had left on the desk.

"Tomorrow. You've done enough for today."

Adam held up the yes card but pointed again. She walked over to the stack of cards and picked out the card with 'no' on it. When she showed Adam, he picked up the card with 'yes' and smiled.

"You are a very smart man, I think. Things may work very well with language. We'll do more tomorrow." Leah walked to the desk and picked up a card with 'goodnight' on it. She wondered if it was too much too soon, but there was only one way to find that out. She handed him that card. He held it in his left hand and stared for quite a while before looking up at her. He picked up the 'yes' card. That time Leah had a big grin.

Leah wasn't surprised when, as soon as the sun began to set, she heard the footsteps of three men approaching Adam's room. She had to smile as she heard them start walking very softly as they neared the door. Ben was the first to look in on the two of them. Leah signaled for him to enter the room, and Hoss and Joe followed him in. Soon Hop Sing was there to collect the dinner tray. Ben sat on the chair by Adam's bed that Leah had just vacated. He had the first question.

"Did you like dinner?"

Adam picked up the card that said yes and showed them. Ben had a tear in his eye with the simple joy his son had in being able to respond. He knew it was going to be a very difficult recuperation for all of them, but it was good to see that progress was already being made. As the tear rolled down his cheek, Adam reached up with his hand and touched his father's cheek. Then he reached for the 'no' card. Ben looked to Leah for an explanation.

"I think he's telling you not to be sad."

Ben nodded and smiled at his son. "It seems you like Leah, and I'm very glad for that. She's going to be your nurse."

Looking a bit confused again, Adam looked at Leah and then at his father. Leah walked to the desk and wrote her name on a card, and the names of all the other members of the household. She walked back and handed her name card to Adam as she pointed at herself. The nurse question was forgotten as Adam concentrated on the name. Leah pronounced it for him, and he nodded.

"Now, it's time for everyone to get some sleep. Who's been helping Adam to get ready for the night?"

"We all kinda take turns, ma'am. It usually has taken two of us to do it. Pa and me done it the most probably because Joe had a bad ankle for a while."

"I need someone to show me where his things are as well as to help me make sure he's clean and dry. Has he been sleeping through the night?"

Ben had to answer that one because he had been the one who sat with Adam most of the nights. "Usually he has been sleeping through the night. He seems exhausted by the effort to ready him to sleep, and sometimes he's asleep before we finish."

"So perhaps we need to do more of this in the morning. Let's get the necessary things done, and in the morning, I can bathe him and shave him." At their surprised looks, Leah felt it necessary to explain. "I did that for as many as ten men every day during the War. Keeping them clean, warm, and comfortable did a lot for their emotional state. It also smelled a lot better in the ward. I had the window open briefly, and having that fresh air in here made things seem much more pleasant. The noises after dinner disturbed him, and I had to close the window, but we'll open it more often now letting in natural light and fresh air."

That night, Adam allowed them to help him with his necessary business and into a clean nightshirt. Leah had him sit in a chair while his father changed the sheets on the bed while Hoss stood by in case Adam had any trouble staying upright. For the first time, Adam started showing some frustration that he could not move his right arm or his right leg. Leah noticed as did the others. Once they had Adam in bed and covered, his family and Leah said goodnight. Moving into the hall, Leah pulled the door closed.

""I'll open the door in a moment, but I want to talk to you first. For now, everything is good, but tomorrow might be an entirely different story. He's noticing his paralysis. It will take him some time to think clearly about that, but when he does, expect a very emotional reaction. He doesn't have any words to express his feelings, so there could be some violence."

"My son is not a violent man."

"Hoss said before he kicks things, stomps around, and throws things when he's angry? Well, he can still do all of those things although not as easily as before."

"Stomp?"

"Hoss, he'll try. He will do his best to get out of bed by himself. We would have to keep someone with him every hour of the day to stop him from trying."

Correct in every prediction, Leah could only do her best with Adam the next day. He started the day by trying to get out of bed as she had predicted. They all heard the thump when he tried to get out of bed but fell instead. When they got to his room, he fought every effort to get him back into bed. He was frustrated, angry, and afraid. Hoss was doing his best to get his arms around Adam to help him and ignoring the pushing and flailing that Adam was doing to fight him.

"Hoss, stop. Everyone, just leave him be. I'll sit here to make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous. He's shocked by his own condition. Let him have some time to react to what he's learned. I'll talk to him about it once he calms down."

"Miss Leah, you gonna need help getting him back into bed?"

"I'm not sure, Hoss. I want to see what he can do with his left side. Perhaps he could get back into bed with only my help. I'll be sure to call for you if I need you."

As the family left the room, Leah gathered her robe around her and settled into the rocking chair. She watched Adam as she did it. He had a very hostile stare and was still breathing hard from his exertions. Several times, she started to talk and he shook his head and then grimaced.

"You should know that shaking your head is going to hurt. If you don't want me to talk, use the 'no' card." Leah got up and dropped a stack of cards at Adam's side before returning to the rocking chair to wait for his reaction.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Over the next hour, every time that Leah started to talk, Adam held up the 'no' card and scowled at her. Twice, Ben stopped by and was dismayed to see Adam still on the floor. He had to assume he might be getting cold and offered to start a fire in the fireplace. Each time, Leah said that he shouldn't do that because Adam could get warm as soon as he agreed to let someone help him back into his bed. The third time that Ben stopped by to see how things were going, Leah used it as an opportunity to talk to Adam although her words were directed at Ben.

"Actually, I like to see that stubbornness. I like that anger. It tells me that Adam is a fighter. It's going to be a long battle. It's good that it hasn't beaten him yet." She watched with her peripheral vision and knew he was watching her intently.

Picking up on the simple sentences that Leah had used to be sure Adam could understand her, and speaking as slowly as she did, Ben began talking the same way. "Adam is a fighter. He's been through a lot. He lost three mothers. He's been shot. He's been sick. He's been lost. Now he has one more fight. If anyone can do it, it's Adam."

"That's good to know. He needs to know what to fight though. He's fighting me. I only want to help him. I can tell him what happened to him. However, he doesn't want me to talk. I'll wait to see if he changes his mind."

"Hop Sing will have lunch in an hour. I hope he lets you help by then. We could all eat lunch here with him."

Ben walked away then as Leah used her peripheral vision to continue to observe Adam. He was staring at the empty doorway first, and then he stared at her almost willing her to look at him. Slowly she turned to face him again. She waited not saying anything until Adam began sorting through the small stack of cards she had dropped on the floor. She was secretly very happy that he remembered there were other things he could say using the cards. He found the card that said 'please' and held it up.

"All right but this is getting a little complicated for cards. Use 1 finger if you want me to tell you what's wrong with you, and use two fingers if you want me to help you get back into bed."

Holding up two fingers, Adam then lowered his hand before raising it to show one finger. Leah moved to his side to help him by first helping him slide around until his back was to the bed.

"Now, you can grab that chair with your left hand. Then try to get your left leg under you to help you stand. I'll be on your right side to help you raise yourself up. I can't do it alone. You need to work with me."

It was a bit awkward and took some time to learn how to coordinate their movements, but soon Adam was sitting on the edge of his bed. Leah had helped him up by having his right arm around her shoulders as she hung on to his wrist. Once she extricated herself from that position, she turned to face him.

"Now, we'll get you resting on your pillows again."

Adam used his left hand in a left to right motion to indicate he didn't like that plan. Instead he pointed at the chamber pot and then the empty doorway.

"You need to use that? You want your father to help?"

That got a thumb up so Leah went to the top of the stairs to call Ben up to help his son. More than happy to oblige and relieved to know that Adam was no longer on the floor, Ben hurried up the stairs to help. Leah stepped out of the room but didn't close the door. Adam pointed at the door, and Ben moved to close it. Once he had helped Adam, he opened the door to let Leah back in. She smiled to see Adam resting against the pillows with the blankets pulled up to his chin although he still had his left arm out.

"Are you cold?"

Realizing that the cards were on the floor, Adam pointed.

"No, you won't always have the cards. Can you say yes?"

Adam used his hand in a left to right motion to indicate no. Then he pointed at the cards again. Leah wasn't giving in that easily. Ben decided to leave the two of them to the next battle and walked out of the room.

"Then find a way to show me yes without using the cards."

Leah was getting that scowl again. She had to admit it was rather intimidating even coming from a man whose right side was paralyzed. She couldn't give in though so they were set up for their next battle. Finally with a glare and a dead stare with those eyes squinting at her, Adam did a thumb up again.

"There, that wasn't so difficult was it?"

That got her a middle finger salute. She turned and left the room. She waited in the hallway for five minutes listening to make sure Adam wasn't going to try to get out of bed again. One fall was a big enough risk. She didn't want him to fall again with the possibility that he might hit his head. The man had more than enough problems already. After five minutes, she stepped into the doorway.

"I'm here to help you, but I will not be insulted. Can you promise not to use such offensive gestures when I'm here? I'm a lady, and I had been told that you knew how to treat a lady. Perhaps that isn't true, and I should leave this job."

Adam was struggling with that task. The word cards were still on the floor, and it was giving him a headache to try to find a way to express his answer without the cards. Finally he put his finger over his lips and then his hand over his heart.

"I'll take that as an apology and a promise. Now, you've had quite a morning. I think a little lunch and then perhaps you would like to rest."

Adam moved his hand to indicate no, but after lunch, his eyelids were drooping, and soon, he was asleep. Ben smiled at Leah and pointed to the hallway. Once outside the room, he pulled the door shut so they wouldn't disturb Adam.

"I wasn't at all sure about how you handled things this morning, but Doctor Martin assured me that you were very competent. I must say I am sorry to have doubted you. Adam is adapting very quickly, and he seems to genuinely like you already. Of course, he's always respected strong women so that isn't that much of a surprise."

"Does he like me well enough to stop fighting me?"

"Oh, I doubt that very much. He loves me, but that boy has been fighting me for well over thirty years. I doubt it will ever stop. He's always been curious about things and thinks up amazing things too. He reads a lot. I hope that he can eventually do all those things again."

"I hope so too. He has an indomitable spirit. I can see that already. After his nap, I'm going to explain what happened to him, and then we'll start his exercises. There is probably going to be another battle of wills then."

"Maybe not. Just remind him about Johnny."

"Johnny?"

"He was a young horsebreaker who damaged his back and found his legs paralyzed. Doctor Martin sent a young woman, Ann, out here to help Johnny do his exercises. By the time she was done, Johnny was walking. Of course one place he walked was down the aisle with Ann on his arm. They got married. They live in California now, but Adam helped with Johnny's exercises and saw how effective they were."

"I hope you're not planning on having me marry Adam. I only want to help him learn to talk and walk again."

"Oh, no, I only meant that Adam is very familiar with the benefits of exercising even when you can't feel that it is doing any good."

"I was only joshing you just a bit, Mr. Cartwright."

"Now if you're going to be here a long time, you need to start calling me Ben. You'll be like part of the family if this takes as long as you think it will."

For the first time, Leah realized the length of time to which she had committed. In the War, she had worked with patients for a few weeks to a month until they were recovered enough to be sent to their homes. This time, she was the in-home care and would be expected to stay until the patient was fully recovered. Successful care for the son of one of the wealthiest families in the West would certainly help her reputation and her career, she had hoped to spend more time caring for a number of patients. She knew that her plans had changed dramatically by accepting this responsibility. She planned to write to her brother and tell him of her change in circumstance as well as address. After Ben returned to his work downstairs, Leah sat in the chair in Adam's room and waited for him to awaken. She must have been very tired for soon, her eyelids drooped, and she fell asleep. She awoke about an hour later and embarrassed, she glanced at the bed to see if Adam was still sleeping. He wasn't. He was grinning at her.

"I'm sorry. That wasn't very professional. I won't have a good reputation as a nurse if I do that again."

Gesturing for Leah to come closer, Adam reached for her hand. He squeezed it and smiled to let her know that he hadn't minded at all. Then he raised one finger. For a moment, Leah wondered what he meant but then realized he was using the code she had given him that morning.

"You want me to tell you what happened to you?" Leaning back into his pillows, Adam smiled and gestured with his hand for her to continue. "All right. I wasn't there of course, but I've heard the whole story a few times. You were working with your brothers when a stack of fence posts toppled into you hitting you in the back of your head and possibly pushing you forward until the front or top of your head hit the fencepost where you were working. That probably did some damage to your brain and started a small bleed. That night, you went to the saloon with your brother, Hoss, and there was a brawl in which you were hit several times. That either restarted the bleed or made it worse. You rode home, rode out to work for a full day, and then did that again the next day. The riding and working did not allow the bleed to stop. After all of that, you passed out in the stable where your father found you. You were bleeding from your left ear. It was the best evidence of all as to what happened to you."

Adam signaled for Leah to continue. She wasn't at all sure what he wanted to know, so she told him all that she knew. "You were unconscious for more than a day. When you finally woke up, Doctor Martin was here and discovered that you could not speak and that your right side is paralyzed. Your vision was fuzzy and you were very confused but that seems to be clearing up very nicely." Adam pointed at his right arm and looked at her quizzically. She knew what he wanted to know. "We don't know if your paralysis is temporary or not. Your father said to remind you of Johnny. It's going to take some work, but we need to keep those muscles working so that as your brain heals, it has a chance of giving you all or most of your movement back."

Leah waited quietly giving Adam time to think about the things that she had said. He remembered Johnny and how depressed he got thinking he would never walk again. He also remembered being in a wheelchair and how much he hated that. Apparently no one had thought to tell Leah about that, but it was foremost in his mind. He had put on a reasonably agreeable front for his family at that time, but the pain and the immobility had weighed on him and made him question his self-worth. Watching Adam especially as his look darkened, Leah had to wonder what he was thinking. She moved to the desk and got a sheet of paper and a pencil. She took a book from the bookcase and folded the top of the paper so that it could be tucked under the cover holding the sheet of paper securely. She held that out for Adam and handed him the pencil.

"See if you can write. If you can, you can tell me what you're thinking."

Staring at the pencil in his hand, Adam was worried. He wasn't sure he could write anything. If he couldn't, it would be one more thing that he had lost and would have to hope to recover. However if he could, it would be a significantly better way to communicate not only with his nurse but also with his family. He grasped the pencil tightly and did his best to remember how to write. The writing was uneven and the lines were oddly shaped, but the words were clear.

"_Ask my family to tell you about Laura and what happened to me_."

As Adam finished writing, he looked up in triumph at Leah. He felt an inordinate amount of relief at this one small accomplishment mostly because it meant there was nothing else that he had lost. He was determined to use his right arm and leg again, and he very much wanted to talk to this businesslike woman who had already shaken up his world by her treatment of him. She had not given in to any of the scowls, the temper, or the persistent stubbornness. He had already decided that she was an equal to him in those departments. She didn't give in, and she had a look that he decided was a schoolteacher look, the kind that recalcitrant students got until they decided to do the right thing.

"Well, I bet that's a relief to you. It's a relief to me too. Now I know that reading and writing are going to be normal. You may take some time remembering everything you had before, but it will come. Now, let's work on your arm and your leg. From now on, we'll do your exercises at least twice a day, and perhaps three or four times a day if you can tolerate it."

Moving to the other side of Adam's bed in order to pull the blankets down to the foot of the bed, Leah was stopped by Adam grabbing the blanket with his hand and hanging on. "Now surely you knew I had to touch your leg to do the exercises. Your father said that you had seen your friend Johnny having exercises done to his legs and that you even helped at times." Adam kept a grip on the blanket looking at the paper and pencil that Leah had left on the chair by his bed. He didn't need them though as she guessed the problem.

"You're not wearing anything under your nightshirt, are you?" After an affirmative response, Leah explained more. "Today, I will only be massaging the muscles and trying to see how rigid they might be. I won't pull your nightshirt any higher than your thigh so your modesty will still be intact. For the future, we'll work out something else. I'll start with your arm so that you can get used to the idea of a woman touching you." Leah grinned when she said it and got an answering smile. She had done that purposefully because she needed him to relax. She picked up his right arm then and slid the sleeve of the nightshirt up as far as it would go. She softly massaged the upper arm feeling the muscle relax as she did so. That was a good sign based on her experience. She slowly worked her way down his arm until she was manipulating his fingers and massaging his palm. He was visibly relaxing under her care so she thought she would try the leg starting with the foot. Adam let her pull the blanket down and shift his nightshirt up to his thigh. She massaged the bottom of his foot and noticed that the toes curled just a tiny amount. She needed to ask the doctor if he had gotten any reaction when he first examined Adam. She moved up the leg massaging his ankle and then his calf. At first the muscles relaxed, but then she found them tightening up again. She slid her hands from his calf to his foot and back again several times but still found no relaxation in his leg. She looked up and saw the probable reason why.

"Adam, you might find it embarrassing, but as a nurse, I can tell you that I have seen that a lot. I know it isn't your fault, and you're simply reacting to my touch. As much as you can, I need you to put that out of your mind and try to relax your leg if you can." Leah went back to massaging his foot and then worked her way up to his calf. The muscles were more relaxed, but she thought she had learned enough for one day, and also subjected Adam to enough as well.

"Would you like me to massage your back? If you roll on your left side, I can massage your back. It will relax you, but more importantly, it will help you to avoid getting bed sores. By now, you likely have a few spots that are red from pressure being on them so much for well over a week now." It would also give Adam a chance to regain his composure by hiding his obvious reaction to her touch.

Because Leah had found some rigidity in Adam's shoulder muscles, she was still massaging his back when Hoss and Joe arrived in the room after working a full day. The first thing they had wanted to know as soon as they arrived home was how Adam was doing. Both brothers looked pleased that Adam looked healthier even if his major problems were still the same.

"Hey, Adam, if you get tired of her doing that for ya, I wouldn't mind letting her work out some of the stiffness in my back after working all day." Hoss was grinning and had noticed Adam's state as well. Joe almost giggled seeing him that way. Leah thought that Adam probably needed a break from her.

"If the two of you would like to have dinner with your brother, I could have Hop Sing send up three plates."

"Ma'am, I like the sound of that but jest make sure Hop Sing knows that one of them plates is for me. These other two here eat like birds."

"I'll be sure to do that, Hoss. Now is there a small table that could be moved into this room? Adam could do better eating on his own if he could sit at a table. A hard upright chair for him to use would be best for that purpose too."

"Yes, ma'am, Joe and me could carry up the game table. It's small enough. We could bring up Adam's chair from the dining table until he's ready to go down to eat with the rest of us."

"Adam can write now too. If you need to know something that he can't express with the cards or gestures, give him that paper and pencil. The writing isn't the best penmanship I've ever seen, but it'll do." That earned her a scowl from Adam who looked back over his shoulder at her. "Oh I know you're right-handed. I just wanted to get a reaction from you. Now, I'll be back later to work on some language skills with you. Enjoy your dinner!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Dadburnit, Joe, ya gotta tell me when you're gonna shift the weight another way. You made me skin my knuckles with that move." Hoss and Joe had decided that there was no time like the present to move the table up into Adam's room. However the teamwork involved in moving furniture was not something Joe had mastered. Hoss was regularly barking orders at him trying to get him to move in a desired direction.

"Well, it's just a little table. Heck, you could have probably moved it by yourself. I was only trying to help."

"Well then help so we can have dinner with Adam. I came home powerful hungry, and I'm gonna faint ifn I don't get some of Hop Sing's vittles darn soon."

Hop Sing was waiting at the kitchen door watching the two brothers. As soon as they got to the top of the stairs, he was going to start preparing three plates of dinner. He already had flatware and napkins on the tray as well as a pot of coffee and cups. Seeing the two brothers finally reach the top of the stairs and disappear from sight, Hop Sing muttered and headed into the kitchen.

At the table, Leah was enjoying a cup of coffee with Ben. "Are they always like that?"

"Well, they aren't always like that, but my two youngest can be very entertaining at times. How about my oldest? How did things go today with him?"

"It was about as bad and about as good as I could have expected. I got more scowls, glares, and anger directed my way than I have gotten in probably the past year or two, but I got some smiles too. He's still adjusting to what has happened to him, and I must say, he is resilient." Ben appeared ready to interject something, and Leah had a good idea of what it was. Ben smiled in relief at her answer. "The anger is to be expected so don't feel you must apologize. He has little control of his life right now. That bothers him as it would bother anyone. I told you that his negative reactions wouldn't stop me from doing my job here. There is one concern though. I need to be able to work the muscles of his leg all the way to the top of his thigh. That creates, ah, a problem for Adam."

Looking down and raising his eyebrows, Ben had a very good idea of what that could be. Unable to make eye contact for a moment, he did respond. "I'll find something he can wear that will allow you to work those muscles you need to work."

"It has to, ah, allow him to open and close it with one hand so that he can take care of necessary things. Would it be possible too to install a ring or bar above him so that he could pull himself upright by himself. I could teach him how to do that and how to sit on the side of the bed by himself. It would give him a small sense of independence at least for doing the most basic things for himself. And tomorrow, I would like him to try to shave himself using his left hand instead of having you do it for him."

"I don't know. Are we trying to move him too fast?"

"There is no 'too fast' for Adam. He wants to do it all today, so, no, we are not going too fast. I have another question. I didn't mention it to Adam because I didn't want to raise his hopes only to see them dashed later, but do you know if Doctor Martin had gotten any reaction in his right foot?"

"No, I don't believe there ever was one. He would try to get him to react even poking him with a pin and pinching his toes, but there never was one. Why?"

"Because today when I massaged his foot, there was a slight curling of the toes. It is a hopeful sign, but please don't repeat that to anyone. It could be that it was a simple muscle contraction unrelated to what I was doing."

"But what if it wasn't?"

"Then his brain was telling his foot that I was tickling him by what I was doing, and his foot reacted. I'll know more tomorrow if I see the same reaction."

More hopeful than he had been in well over a week of nearly constant worrying, Ben enjoyed dinner with Leah and hearing about her plans for a career in medicine. He asked why she had chosen Virginia City, and that made her laugh.

"My brother said that if I wanted to work in medicine, then a western mining town would give me a lot of opportunities. He said that he knew that Virginia City was an example of a town that didn't have enough doctors and nurses for all that went wrong. So, I decided this would be a good place to start."

"Well, my dear, we are very lucky indeed that your brother gave you that advice."

"I'm glad you feel that way. I hope you continue to feel that way because there will be some difficult days ahead."

"My dear, we have had many difficult days. We know what it is like to struggle and to fight for what we have." Leah looked a bit incredulous apparently because Ben felt the need to explain. "We didn't have this big ranch when I got here. I lived with Adam and Hoss in a dirt floor cabin. I worked every day and left Hoss in Adam's care. I know that must sound terrible to you, but there was no one else. Sometimes breakfast was what was left from dinner. Often there wasn't any lunch. I often wonder how we survived some of those early days. Then I had furs to sell, and I could hire men to help with the work as well as keep adequate supplies on hand. When Hop Sing came to us, I thought we must have had a guardian angel helping us. So, yes, we have had to struggle to get where we are, and Adam has known deprivation and hunger."

"I have seen that Adam and Hoss seem to have a special relationship as Hoss seems to understand him sometimes even though he can't say anything. Now it makes perfect sense. Perhaps over the next few days, you can tell me more of the family history especially anything involving Adam so that I can better understand him. He knows how to write. Oh my, in my excitement over everything else, I forgot to say that. I thought he would be able to do that because he's quickly showing a good grasp of the language in listening. The writing is hesitant and it's with his left hand so it's not pretty, but it is very legible. I know I've asked you for so much already, but could you perhaps get a small notebook or journal he could keep close to him to use to write notes. He could carry on a more complex conversation that way."

"My dear, you don't have to explain anything, and you could never ask for too much if it's to help Adam. I'll do what I can to see that all of those things are completed soon. What did Adam write?"

"He said that I should ask his family about Laura. I don't know why it's important, but he must think it is. I was talking about that Johnny you mentioned, and he seemed to be lost in thought. I decided it was a good time to see if he could write because he obviously had something he needed to say."

Leah waited wondering what kind of story it must be to have Adam thinking about it so much, and now the man who hired her looked distinctly uncomfortable with the subject. Ben was concerned about telling Leah so much about such an intensely discomforting subject for his son but decided finally to tell the whole story and leave nothing out. When he finished, Leah had a number of thoughts. One was that if she ever met this Laura, she would be inclined to hit her in the chin if not kick her in the behind. Leah was not a person prone to use violence in any circumstance, but Laura's betrayal of Adam was so far beyond the scope of acceptable behavior that Leah would consider it apropos in this circumstance. Her other major reaction was shock to learn that Adam had been paralyzed once before.

"So Adam must have experienced all the depression, the notion that he was worthless, and the feeling that he wasn't a man any more. These are fairly common reactions among men who suffer paralysis."

"Yes, he put on a good front making it appear that he was adapting fairly well. He even tried to hide the pain from us. Now from what you've said, the pain was evidence that he would likely heal because it meant that he still had feeling in his legs. I wish we had known that at the time. At least that time, he could talk. He could say some things even if he held a lot back."

"How long was he like that?"

"For weeks, he was confined to a wheelchair. Once Laura and Will left, he tried not to use the chair at all, but there were time when he had to. It made him angry, but I think much of that anger was actually at what Laura and Will had done to him. He missed Peggy more than anything. She had become like a daughter to him. Even though Adam is still unmarried at an age when most men have married, somehow it has never worked out for him."

"Not everyone marries at an early age."

"Oh, I'm sorry if you thought that was in any way a reference to you. I know that one can have dreams that make you do things that others find strange. No, I have respect for you that you have a dream and are pursuing it. That you are looking for that dream in Virginia City was a great boon to us. Just seeing what you've done in a few days makes me wonder what we would have done if you had not been available to help us. I am already deeply in your debt."

"Let's hope I can keep making progress with Adam so that you continue to have that confidence in my abilities."

A loud crash from upstairs stopped that conversation. Before they could react, there was another crash. Leah raced up the stairs with Ben right behind her. When they got to Adam's room they found a furious Adam, an apologizing Joe, and Hoss doing his best to clean up the mess.

"What in tarnation happened here?"

The yelling made Adam grimace in pain. He had already started to feel a major headache developing, and the yell put it all over the top. Very quietly but vehemently, Leah told them to leave the room. As they did, she pushed the door closed. She used the water in the pitcher on his dresser to wet a handkerchief. She took it to Adam and began sponging his face to cool him down because his face was red. He pushed her hand away. She gently moved to continue. Adam had his head down then and allowed her to continue. Gradually his breathing and color returned to normal. Leah put her hand under his chin and tipped his head up.

"Would you like some paper to tell me what happened that got you so upset?"

Adam rather half-heartedly and somewhat hesitantly used his left hand to indicate no, but Leah suspected he wanted to explain to her. She got a piece of paper and secured it to a book. She set it before Adam and handed him the pencil. Slowly he wrote. As he did, he motioned for her to come closer to see what he was writing. His brothers had seen his state that resulted from the massage that Leah had given him. That had bothered him somewhat, but then Joe had made a comment that he didn't see how Adam could get a reaction like that with a woman who looked like an old maid school marm. Adam was upset to have to write the last part. He wrote that Joe's comment had made him very angry, and he couldn't say anything so he threw his cup at Joe and missed. Joe had laughed so Adam had thrown his plate.

"Your father is going to be upset that you broke two pieces of china."

Adam nodded. It didn't help his self-assessment to realize that he had handled the situation so poorly. He squeezed his eyes shut. Leah knew how what had happened was bothering him. She wrapped an arm around him to comfort him, and he put his head on her shoulder and cried. It had been something she knew would happen. A man facing all that he was facing and unable to express himself was holding too much back. Something always broke the dam. She held him even closer as he cried until she heard him getting some semblance of self-control back. She leaned back then and looked him in the eye.

"You've done nothing wrong. No one could expect you to do any better in these circumstances. I'll help you, and my hope is that someday you'll be walking and talking so that no one will know that at one time you couldn't. I can't promise it, but I will work with you until you can do all that you can do."

Knowing Leah was being optimistic, Adam still smiled at what she said. Optimism is what he needed at that moment. It seemed she instinctively knew what he needed. He wondered how that could be so he wrote on the paper asking her to explain her life before she got to the Ponderosa.

"Well, about twenty-six years ago, my parents decided to have another child."

Adam smiled and wrote again asking to hear more about her life since she was sixteen. That was still a big chunk to tell so when Ben stopped in an hour later, he found Leah sitting at Adam's side at the table where she had just wrapped up her story. When Adam saw his father, there was a quick transformation of the look on his face. He worried that he had disappointed his father, but he need not have worried.

"I've talked to your brother about teasing you. It isn't fair to do it to you when you can only write in response. Joe feels very badly about what happened, but I told him to wait until tomorrow to talk to you about it. He can stew on it overnight. Hop Sing will be up with dessert in a short time. He wanted to bring it earlier, but I thought the two of you could use some time to talk about what had happened."

Adam picked up the paper on which he had written to Leah to show his father what he could do. Ben was transported thirty years into the past when his small son would hand him a drawing or some writing and wait hopefully for his approval. He always gave him that and did so again.

"Leah was telling me that you could do this. I can see that for myself now. I'm proud of you, son. You haven't let this get you down too much, and you're fighting back with all you've got. Leah had a few ideas which if she hasn't explained to you. She should because we'll be making a few changes around here to help you with your recuperation."

That made Adam turn to Leah who explained all the things she had discussed with Ben at dinner. She was very businesslike and serious. Ben had no idea that Adam had been crying on her shoulder less than an hour earlier. Leah naturally gave Adam the nurturing support that he craved. He smiled when she finished explaining and looked to his father to see if he agreed.

"Oh, yes, she had me smiling too. Those were all very good ideas she had."

Adam grinned and wrote another note. Ben leaned over to see what he had written. "_You never accepted my ideas that easily._"

"Perhaps this young lady could teach you a thing or two about how to present new ideas to me." Ben grinned at Adam's frown that soon dissolved into a smile. Ben could go to bed that night confident that his son was as good as he could be at the moment despite the trouble that Joe had caused earlier. Ben did wonder at Adam's reaction to Joe's slight denigration of Leah. Adam seemed to be quite attached to her already. Perhaps that was normal considering the situation he was in and how much he needed her help. Ben nodded to himself thinking that was probably it as he made his way across the hall to his bedroom. With Adam unable to work, there were a lot more things that Ben had to do.

In Adam's bedroom, Leah was able to help Adam to the bed. Once he was seated on the side of the bed, she handed him the small chamber pot from the small cabinet by his bed. She stepped outside the door and waited for him to call. Hoss was there by then and asked if he could help. She smiled and sent him inside to assist his brother with his most personal needs. Then she went in when Hoss told her that Adam was finished. She and Hoss helped him into a clean nightshirt as he sat on the bed with a sheet pulled up to his waist. He tucked the nightshirt under the sheet and then indicated he was ready for some help. As Hoss helped Leah position Adam in the bed, she explained to Hoss what she wanted and where.

"Now, do ya want a bar that is fixed or a ring on a rope that could move around a bit?"

Looking at Adam for confirmation, Leah suggested the ring on a rope. Adam gave a thumb up signal that he agreed. Hoss and Leah bid him goodnight then and turned down the lamp. His door wasn't closed as it would be easier to hear if something went wrong in his room and easier to get to him too. Adam looked forward to the day when it would be closed and he would have more privacy again, but for now, he knew it was necessary.

In her bedroom, Leah had trouble falling asleep. Although she had given no sign of it to anyone, she had been bothered by what had happened. She had adopted what she had thought was a businesslike appearance in her profession. She wore her hair tied back in a bun, and she wore dresses that covered her completely and left everything to the imagination. Nurses often found male patients were attracted to them and were advised during the war that they should do all they could to discourage such reactions. They were told it was natural for a man to feel that way and that it was part of their job not to get emotionally attached to a patient. She had done very well in that regard. Now suddenly that whole premise didn't seem valid. She was very attracted to her patient. Ever since that first full grin showing that dimple, her heart had begun to melt. To hear that his brother had expressed shock that he could ever desire her made her question her decisions. Falling in love with a man had never been part of her dream for her future. She wanted to care for others, to help them when they needed her. But now she did want to care for Adam and he did need her, and she was questioning whether that was enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

In the morning, Leah was very businesslike. She had decided that she would help Adam until he was well on the road to recovery, and then she would leave. As a healer, she could do no less, but she knew her heart might be broken when she finally had to do that if her feelings for him grew. Adam noticed that she was quieter than she had been and worried that his losses of self-control the previous day had made her think less of him. He had been rude the day before with a gesture he seldom had ever used and only with rough men and certainly never with a woman. His father would have wanted to tan his hide even at his age if he ever found out what he had done. He didn't know why he had such a loss of self-control. It was if he couldn't stop himself from doing some things. Acting without thought and crudely was not something that was normal to him. Then breaking down emotionally in front of her had been far beyond anything he could imagine doing when he thought about it. He was determined to show her that he was able to face this adversity without giving up even if he had shown some significant moments of weakness already. He did his best to be strong no matter what she said or did. His efforts at control faltered though when she was massaging his left foot and asked him a question.

"Can you feel that?"

Looking at Leah with a frown, Adam wondered what she meant.

"Watch your toes when I rub up and down on the bottom of your foot."

As Adam watched, Leah rubbed up and down the bottom of his foot. His toes curled, but he could hardly believe it. He signaled to her to do it again, and when she did, he was sure he could see them move. He smiled but that quickly faded as he realized how long it had taken him to get to the point that someone rubbing his foot could make his toes curl. If progress was going to be this slow, he might never walk again nor use his right arm. Leah saw the changes in his expressions, and because of her experience, she had a fair idea of what he was thinking even though she didn't know him very well yet.

"Progress won't always be this slow. Your brain is still healing and there might still be some swelling that needs to be resolved. However, this is a positive sign. Now, it's not likely but we should try. See if you can move your toes."

Adam struggled to do so but at first nothing happened. Leah saw the toes of his left foot curling and knew he was still trying and then suddenly she was sure she saw some movement.

"I think they moved. Not much, but I think they moved."

Holding her hand a tiny fraction of an inch from his toes, Leah looked up at Adam who had sweat beaded on his forehead by this time. She told him to try again and watched as he struggled again to make his toes move. She felt it. His toes had moved and touched her hand. She smiled as she looked up at Adam still trying so hard to move his toes.

"You did it."

Adam looked at her wondering if she meant what he thought it meant.

"That time I was sure. You moved your toes. Adam, that's a very good sign. Now we'll keep doing the massage, but I'm also going to be doing some movement and stretching of your leg today. Hold up your hand if you feel any of what I'm doing even if it's just a vague sensation."

During the rest of the session with his leg, he didn't feel anything, and Leah continued on to his arm and shoulder but found no change there either. That whole process took nearly two hours. They would have to repeat the whole session in the afternoon, and then again twice a day until Adam could walk or they found that he couldn't.

During the whole session, Adam had felt more relaxed because of a unique garment his father had given him to wear that morning. It was a pair of his shortalls to which Hop Sing had sewn an Paiute style loin cloth to the front. As he lay on his back and Leah worked on his foot and leg, he felt no discomfort in that his privates were well covered, and yet when necessary during the day, he could move the clothing aside with one hand. When Leah worked on his right arm and shoulder, they found the easiest thing to do was for him to remove the nightshirt.

With the work done for the morning, Adam didn't want to put the ungainly nightshirt on again. He pointed at his closet making Leah wonder what he wanted. She opened it to find a maroon robe hanging on a hook by the door. Adam smiled so she knew that was what he wanted. She brought it to him and helped him get his right arm in the sleeve. Once he had the robe around himself, she tied the sash and had to force herself not to touch that hair peeking out from the neck of his robe. When she had bathed him previously and when he had removed the nightshirt that morning, she found the sight of that chest with the curly hair and the way it collected more in the center and pointed down like an arrow made her struggle to keep her eyes from him. She knew she had already lost her professional dispassion toward this man but at least had to keep a professional demeanor. She asked if they could sit at the table to work on language, and Adam agreed. That was where Hoss and Joe found them at lunchtime when Hoss arrived to hang a ring over the bed. Joe walked to Adam and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I was way out of line. I forgot where I was, and to whom I was talking." Adam gave him a thumb up to say all was forgiven. Joe turned to Leah. "I'm sorry. I meant no harm. I can be quite a horse's behind sometimes, and unfortunately, that was one of those times." Leah smiled and accepted his apology but noted that he had not denied the truth of what he had said the night before. It made her strengthen her resolve not to fall in love with her patient and also her decision to leave as soon as Adam was well on the road to recovery.

Hoss stepped into the hall and pulled a ladder into the room. He positioned it against a beam in the ceiling and held it there as Joe went up the ladder to secure the ring. Soon they had the ring installed and had shortened the rope so that the ring would be within reach of someone resting in the bed. Leah saw two problems with it, but Hoss had an answer for both of her concerns.

"Well, ma'am, Adam ain't built near as manly as me, but ifn he was pulling his weight up with that one ring, well that would be an awful strain on the ceiling, and I wouldn't want it to fall in on him. So, we decided to secure it to the beam thinking that he ain't gonna pull the whole house down. Now I know it ain't over the left side of the bed where you need it, but you see, that is easier to fix than moving that beam." Hoss and Joe easily moved the bed over a few feet to position the ring properly as Adam watched from his seat at the table. Next Hoss tied a small hook to the headboard of the bed. "This here is to keep that hook out of the way when it would be a problem. You just hang it on this hook. Adam should still be able to reach it ifn he needs it although he might have to stretch just a bit to do it."

"Hoss, you are just wonderful."

"Hey, what about me? I risked my life up on that ladder."

"Joe, it was the least you could do." Leah smirked and Hoss started laughing uproariously.

"See, Joe, you better not cross this lady. She's gonna put you in your place when you do."

And then Hoss laughed a bit more. Adam was grinning as well. When Hop Sing brought lunch in for all four of them, they sat at the table as Hoss and Joe explained another idea that Joe had to hang a bar too that Adam could use to get to the table and back to the bed. Leah thought that might work too so the brothers said they would get to work on the idea. Ben had been to town doing errands and was happy to enter the house and hear what sounded like a very pleasant gathering upstairs. He headed up to see what had been going on in his absence. He saw the ring first upon entering the room, but was even more pleased to see Adam sitting at the table eating lunch and smiling. Hoss and Joe were there as well as Leah. It was such a normal look that Ben had to remember that Adam didn't usually eat with his left hand.

"Well, it seems like a party up here. You celebrating installing that ring?"

"No, Pa, Adam's got some good news. He can move his toes." Leah frowned at Hoss who amended his statement quickly. "Well, he can move em just a little bit even if he can't feel himself doing it. Miss Leah said it's a good sign, and hopefully there's gonna be a lot more good signs." Ben had to smile at Hoss' enthusiasm. He tipped his head at Leah. Her warning of the night before that it might mean nothing that she had seen his toes move the day before was proven wrong. Ben could only hope that Hoss' wish would come true, and that there would be a lot more good signs and soon.

It took another week for the next good sign to occur. Leah continued to work with Adam every morning and afternoon. One morning as she was helping him roll on his left side so that she could massage his shoulder, she noticed that his right arm wasn't dragging behind him but moved with him.

"Adam, stop. Let me try something." Leah pulled his arm back behind him a little. "Now move again." When he moved, he pulled his right arm to his right side and rolled on his left side. "Adam, you can move your right arm."

"I'm not moving it. I'm just holding it to my side so it doesn't flop around."

"You can feel it flopping around?"

"Yes, it bothers me so I've been trying to hold it to my side so that doesn't happen."

"Adam, you have feeling in your right arm and you can move it even if it is just to hold it to your side. In a complete paralysis, there is no movement at all."

That made Adam begin to smile. He hadn't been thinking of it that way as he realized that his powers of analysis were still not working the way he wanted. He was used to being able to see the parts that made up the whole and evaluating each as well as the big picture. Somehow he couldn't do that very well yet, but he was grateful that Leah was helping him with it. He had been getting discouraged because there had been no more progress with his toes. He could still move them only enough that anyone could see them move. Now though he had something else to bolster his spirits and motivate him to do more. After massaging his shoulder, Leah had him lie on his back again and try to raise his arm. He could lift it only about an inch with tremendous effort and then couldn't hold it up as it fell back to the bed almost immediately.

"That's all right. That's a lot of progress, and we've been working together for less than a week now. It's only about two weeks since you were hurt. Now I know these small." "She paused as Adam raised his left hand and held his index finger and thumb a tiny fraction of an inch apart. "These _tiny_ gains can be discouraging but that is the nature of this kind of recuperation. You will make tiny gains until the gains get to be bigger and then bigger again. It is very slow going at first, and it can be discouraging and downright disheartening, but you've done well not to let it get you down. It's one tiny step at a time until the steps get bigger and more frequent. However I've never met a patient with more courage and willingness to face this without flinching." Leah knew that the struggle to move was getting him down, and she wanted to encourage the fighting spirit he had and the pride that she knew he possessed so she exaggerated a little. He was hardly going to challenge her on that. As usual, a family member showed up about the time the physical workout was completed to see if there had been any progress.

"Mister Adam good patient for Missy Leah?"

"Mister Adam is very good patient for Missy Leah, Hop Sing. Today, Adam moved his right arm. He can lift it a little or hold it to his body."

"Ah, very good. Have celebration dinner tonight. When Mister Adam and Missy Leah join family for dinner?"

"I don't know, Hop Sing. As soon as Adam can stand on the left leg so I can show him how to manage the stairs. He'll still need help, but I have a feeling he doesn't want to be carried to the dining table." That earned a scowl from Adam as she suspected it would, but she had another plan in mind and was trying to set a goal so that he would be more motivated to tackle it. She decided to have him try it that afternoon.

"You can do it, or at least you can try. It will be the best exercise you can do for your leg." Adam had looked at her incredulously when she suggested he try to stand on his right leg. She knew it wouldn't likely work so easily, but they had to start. "Now you gave me the impression you were a fighter. You're going to give up without even trying. It seems a bit cowardly to me."

Nostrils flaring and his mouth set in a thin line with a taut jaw, Adam grabbed the ring to pull himself into a sitting position. Then with Leah to help, he stood on his left leg and grabbed the bar that had been installed for him to use. Gingerly he shifted weight on to his right side. Almost immediately, his leg collapsed. Adam looked down at Leah as if to say he had told her so.

"Now I know you must have felt it. I did, and I was only here for you to lean on." Leah had Adam's right arm around her shoulders because the very worst thing would be for him to fall at this critical point. Adam glared at her as if daring her to explain what she meant. "I felt you put weight on that leg, and I know it collapsed, but for a moment there, it held some of your weight. Now try it again and go slowly. I think you'll see what I mean."

Very gingerly, Adam shifted a little weight on to his right side again. He waited and his leg held. He shifted more weight and it collapsed again. Leah had him do that about ten times until she could see how tired he was getting. She helped him sit down and lay back. She told him he had earned a nap, and that she thought maybe she would take one as well. He patted the bed beside him and gave a salacious grin. She shook her head.

"You are a charming devil. No, I'll be taking my nap in my room, thank you very much. Now close your eyes and rest. You know that when we tell your family, they're going to want to see everything so you're going to get another workout today." Adam didn't doubt her at all because she seemed to have an inordinate talent for predicting what his family would do. Adam motioned for her to come closer to his bed. He reached out for her hand and pulled it to his lips kissing the back of it before he mouthed a thank you to her. She patted his cheek and smiled. "You are a sweet one, too." Leah went to her room then, but found her nap elusive as the image of Adam patting the bed beside him and then the gentle kiss to the back of her hand and the thank you. She thought and thought about it until she suddenly sat up in bed. He had mouthed the thank you to her. He remembered how to talk. Now if they could discover why he made no sound then perhaps he could speak. She knew she would have to talk to Doctor Martin about it and wondered how much she should say to Adam and his family. For the time being, she decided to wait until Doctor Martin's next visit. He was there every few days to check on Adam's progress and she suspected to check on her.

While Leah was having trouble sleeping, Adam was thinking of Leah, but his thoughts were not what he had done with Leah but what he would like to do with her. She had borrowed books from his room, and he had noted her preference for Shakespeare. He wished they could talk about those works of literature. He had heard her say that she had played Joe in chess and beaten him each time. He would have liked to go downstairs to that chessboard and challenge her to a match. Most of all though, he wanted to pull those pins that kept her hair pinned back so severely and then he could run his fingers through her hair. As she would put his right arm around her shoulders, he could smell the slight scent of lavender in her hair. He assumed she washed it with some kind of lavender soap because the smell would be stronger sometimes and then gradually fade away over a few days until it was strong again. He grinned to himself with the thoughts he had about those dresses she wore that covered everything up except her hands and her face. Smiling, he wondered if they would let him sit in the dress shop as she tried on new colorful dresses that hugged her ample curves. He fell asleep eventually but his dream was filled with what he wanted to do with that dark gray dress she had worn that day, and in that dream, he could move normally and speak naturally.

As expected, Adam's family was thrilled with the news and did want him to show them what he could do. He found the standing to be particularly exhausting after working very hard at it that afternoon. Leah only allowed him three tries before she said he had done enough and needed to rest.

"Son, I'm very proud of you. You have done well, and you're working so hard at it. If anyone could beat this, it's you."

Leah smiled because that type of comment was what Adam needed to help motivate him even more especially as there could still be days when things didn't go well, but Hoss' comment upset her.

"Dadburnit, Adam, you're liable to be up and about any day now riding and helping us out with the chores."

Leah's look froze Hoss who said nothing more, and Joe knew better than to say anything when she looked like that. "I'm afraid you are being overly optimistic, Hoss. Adam still has a lot of hard work ahead of him. We don't want to build his hopes up too much only to see them dashed."

"Sorry, ma'am, I just got so excited seeing him almost standing like that."

"Leah, Adam wants your attention." Ben's comment made Leah turn to Adam and let Hoss breathe a sigh of relief. Joe sniggered at his side.

Adam reached for Leah's hand. He looked up into her eyes until she looked at him. He mouthed that it was all right. Joe was going to say something, but Hoss' elbow in his ribs stopped him. Ben was amazed too. Leah had said nothing about Adam doing that. Later, after they had helped Adam prepare for his night, Ben asked Leah to talk with all of them downstairs. She suspected she knew why and was correct.

"First of all, I wasn't hiding anything for you. The first time he did that was today. Late this afternoon, he told me thank you that way. I wanted to ask Doctor Martin about it. He obviously remembers how to talk so I need to know why he doesn't make a sound. I've not had this experience with any patient before. Usually they regain their speech slowly and hesitantly as I would help them. This situation with Adam is unique, I think. Adam doesn't even seem aware that this behavior is new."

"But it must be good news?" Ben asked what all of them were thinking.

"I think so."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

A few days later, Doctor Martin did think it was very good news, but he was just as mystified as Leah as to how Adam could remember how to make words but no sounds. After meeting with Adam, Paul sat with Ben and over a cup of coffee finally said what had been on his mind for some time.

"Ben, I want to send Adam's case file to some doctors in Boston. They've been studying the brain and how injuries can affect it. From what I've read, they seem to be the best bet we have of finding an answer to this question. They have rejected the use of dangerous therapies such as extreme dehydration as well as trephination and cranial drainage. They have said that study shows that neither of those strategies work and most often result in a fatality. They suggest that treatment of apathy as done by Leah is one of the best practices. Keeping the patient motivated and focused on what can be achieved instead of on what has been lost is the most effective. However, I've seen nothing in the literature to explain this peculiar part of Adam's case."

"How have they learned so much about injuries to the brain?"

"They've been collecting information and statistics from doctors in the War who treated men with head injuries. Now among men with penetration of the skull, the death rate was almost one hundred percent. However among those with nonpenetrating injuries, the survival rate was better than for most other battle injuries. These were the types of patients with whom Leah worked. With some autopsies on those who died as well as the records of the treatment of those who lived, they have a lot of statistical evidence to back up their ideas. Now somewhere in their research, there may be a case similar to Adam's. Being a unique situation, it would not be a subject of a scholarly journal or paper, but perhaps one of the doctors there might remember such a case or cases if there are more than one. If so, maybe they would have an idea of what we could do to help Adam."

"We need to ask Adam. It's his life, and although I want very much to say yes to you, it would be a betrayal of Adam's trust to let you do this without asking him about it."

"Do you want to ask him or should I?"

"Why don't we both do it? But let's finish our coffee first. This could be difficult. Adam has been very touchy lately. Sometimes the slightest comment can set off that temper of his. Things seem to be going well so I don't understand the anger."

"Ben, I think you do, but you don't know what to do about the circumstances. Adam has been confined since he first fell unconscious. He's been stuck not only in the house but in one room of the house. He can't talk so he can't vent his frustration that way. I know Leah thinks that soon she can get him to walk down the hall with help so that she can show him how they can manage the stairs. It would be a great idea if that was to happen soon before he drops into a melancholy state."

Ben looked up in alarm. "Adam wouldn't do that, would he?"

"It can happen to anyone, Ben, and Adam certainly has cause to feel depressed and anxious as well as worried about his future and if he has one that he will accept."

So Ben and Paul trooped up the stairs to tell Adam what Paul wanted to do. When Paul finished explaining what he wanted to do and why, Adam looked to Leah waiting to see her reaction. She turned to look at Adam to do the same and smiled to see him looking at her.

"Adam, it seems like a very good idea to me. I have no experience with a situation like yours. All the men I worked with on speech issues could make sounds. They had to relearn how to say words and many had forgotten much of their vocabulary. You can read and write so we know you remember the words, and you can mouth the words silently so we know you know how to form the words, but with you, there's no sound. We need someone to give us a clue as to why that is so I can work with you to get your speech back."

Adam looked to his father then. Ben had such a worried but hopeful look that Adam had to smile. He looked at Paul and gave a thumb up signal. With that permission, Paul promised to gather all his records together and make copies that could be sent off to the doctors in Boston who were studying head trauma injuries. Paul had to warn Adam that it would likely take several weeks at the earliest to get any kind of response and that they didn't know if the doctors would have any insight into his case.

Later that week, Hoss asked Leah if she thought Adam was ready to tackle the stairs. She was nervous about the idea and told Hoss why.

"He's been getting into some dark moods on occasion. I'm worried that he could get very upset if we try this, and it doesn't work. He has so little to encourage him and so much to discourage him that I hate to think of potentially failing at this."

"Maybe if you showed me what you wanted to do, I could help Adam down the stairs the first time or so. One way or another, I'd get him to the bottom. Now ain't that what you're after? Something that says he made another step back to being himself?"

Leah kissed Hoss on the cheek. "Oh, Hoss, you are such a good brother, and you're a natural healer too. Yes, that is exactly what I want for him. I want him to take another step toward feeling that life is returning to normal. Anything that helps with that is a wonderful thing. When would you like to start?"

"Well, if it ain't too complicated, could we start right now?"

With Hoss' arm around her shoulders, Leah showed him how she thought Adam could maneuver the stairs. He could stand on his right leg but could only move it a little. He would need help moving that leg from one step to the next. It would be similar to the help he needed when they helped him walk but was a bit more demanding. Then Hoss and Leah practiced going up the stairs. That would be a much more difficult task because it involved lifting the right leg for each step and moving his weight up that was much more difficult than coming down and having gravity to help with each step.

"Couldn't he just hop on his left leg and hold onto the railing with his left arm? I could help him do that a lot easier than doing it this way."

"Yes, he could do it that way if necessary, but then his leg wouldn't learn to do it the proper way, and he'd never be able to do these stairs by himself. There is no easy way to getting him walking again and using his arm."

Ben and Joe walked into the house to see Leah helping Hoss up the stairs. Ben had a momentary fright but quickly realized that Leah was teaching Hoss how Adam would have to do the stairs.

"Does this mean that the two of you are ready to help Adam walk down those stairs? I know he's anxious to get down here."

Everyone had been taking turns helping Adam walk across his room and occasionally down the hallway and back when he felt strong enough. There was always a wistful look when he got to the stairs and had to turn back to his room. Hoss and Leah practiced a bit more and then headed to Adam's room. Hoss had his arm around Leah's shoulders as they got to the bedroom and Adam saw that. It caused a pang of jealousy, but he kept a neutral face as he saw them. He knew that she was there as his nurse, and if she found his brother more appealing, then that was really no business of his. He told himself that, but the jealousy gnawed at him. Hoss explained what they wanted to do, but Adam shook his head no.

"But, Adam, why? You've wanted to head down those stairs for days now, and Hoss is ready to help you do it."

With a deep sigh and a resigned look, Adam nodded. He was being peevish and knew it. Hoss suspected why but wisely kept those thoughts to himself. If these two continued to want to deny their feelings, he wasn't going to be the one to force the issue. Instead, he waited at Adam's bed as Adam pulled himself upright and then pulled himself to a standing position. He had made a lot of progress already, and Hoss nearly had tears spill remembering when they had waited in this room to see if he would even wake up. Then they had gotten the terrible diagnosis from Doctor Martin. Now he was there helping his brother walk down the stairs. It was an emotional moment until they got to the stairs. There it was a lot of work showing Adam what to do and then helping him do it. Ben and Joe waited down below with smiles as they saw Adam descending the stairs with Hoss. Despite his earlier negative feelings, Adam couldn't help but grin to reach the bottom of the stairs. He was tired from the effort but invigorated by the accomplishment. Hoss helped him to the blue chair where he gladly sat down. Then he reached for Hoss' hand and squeezed it as he nodded. "Glad to be of service, older brother. You do that a few more times with me, and then Leah will take over again. She wanted me to do it at first to make sure you didn't fall. Once you get the hang of it, I think she's gonna be making you do more of it. It's pretty darn good exercise, ain't it?"

Soon Hop Sing was there with a tray of coffee and freshly baked cookies. There may have been chores to do and ledgers to update, but at that moment, the family wanted to celebrate the occasion. Hoss had Leah sit beside him on the settee while Joe sat on the arm of the settee and Ben in his red chair. Hoss noted how Adam glanced at Leah sitting beside Hoss trying to judge the situation. He guessed his father and Joe were probably wondering what was going on. He'd let them stew on it a bit before telling them later what he thought was happening. The cookies didn't spoil anyone's appetite, and for the first time in a long time, Adam sat at the dining table and ate dinner with his family. By the time he needed to climb those stairs, to him, they looked like they had doubled or tripled in height. It was a daunting prospect, but Hoss was by his side telling him they would do it just like they had come down the stairs. Leah stood by supervising, and Hoss helped Adam up the stairs one step at a time. When the three of them disappeared around the corner upstairs, Ben looked at Joe.

"The stairs are a lot like Adam's recovery: one step at a time, but he's making good progress now. I wonder what they're cooking up for his next big step."

Upstairs as Hoss helped Adam get ready for bed, he did have an idea but thought he should broach that subject with Leah first. When he did later, she was against the idea, but Hoss was persistent.

"He can walk even if he's slow at it so that means he could keep his foot in the stirrup. He can hold his arm tight to his side and even hang onto something so maybe he could keep his right hand on the pommel. His left hand could handle the reins just fine."

"But, Hoss, riding a horse is dangerous. What if he fell off?"

"Ma'am, Adam's been riding since he was real little. He's real natural on a horse, and he loves to ride. You said you wanted things that would make him feel like he was making another step back to being normal. Well, riding would give him a feeling like nothing else you could have him do. He would be in charge again, free like, and he could see all sorts of sights and such. We'd be real careful."

"I don't know. It scares me."

"But would it scare Adam? Ifn you told him that me and Joe could help him go for a ride, what do you think he'd say?"

"Oh, you know he would say he wanted to try it. I guess I'll bring it up with him when we talk about what we're going to do tomorrow. Will you and Joe be able to help him do that tomorrow?"

"We surely can, Miss Leah. I'll go tell Joe. We'll have everything ready tomorrow morning."

That afternoon, Doctor Martin was back. He didn't bother with an exam of Adam because he saw him sitting in the blue chair when he arrived and knew that progress was being made. Adam looked stronger and healthier too. Paul had some news.

"The doctors in Boston wired that they got your records and were intrigued by them. They're looking them over and said that they hope to have a response for you sent out by the end of the week. With mail delivery being what it is, it could take another week or two or even longer for that parcel to reach us. But it's good news that they think they may have an idea, or at least that's what I got from how they worded the message. I may be being overly optimistic, but it would hardly be worth the expense to include that they would be sending a response if it was after all only a message that they had no ideas."

Smiling, Adam reached out to Paul and shook his hand. Then he pointed at Leah because he wanted her to tell Paul about their other plans. Almost reluctantly she did, but then was a bit pleased that Paul had the same concern.

"Adam, you could fall."

Grabbing his notebook, Adam wrote quickly and handed it to Paul. "_Yes, but I could fall on the stairs or even out of bed too_."

"Yes, but someone would be with you on the stairs to prevent any serious injury, and out of bed to the floor is only a few feet and the bed isn't moving."

A little chagrined, Adam wrote again. "_I'll be careful, and Hoss will help_."

"Well, I guess we should trust Hoss. He cares as much about you as any person could, but I want to remind you not to take any chances. You may be able to sit the saddle fine, but that doesn't mean you're ready for anything."

Adam nodded but couldn't entirely hide the smile. He would be getting out of the house, and riding Sport, he could get away from the house too for at least a little while. The feeling of being confined would be gone. He held that feeling of happiness until the next morning. He had to dress including boots for the first time in a long time. Just that process was tiring. Then the first twinge of doubt entered his mind when he had trouble mounting the horse and getting his right foot into the stirrup. Hoss had to help him mount up, and Joe was on the other side to help him center himself and not slide right over the horse to the other side. Then Joe helped him get his foot into the stirrup. In his boots, he couldn't feel the stirrup with his right foot, and his foot slipped out. Joe tightened up the stirrup and then slid his booted foot in again. He still couldn't feel the stirrup but he could feel the pressure of pushing so he was able to keep his foot in the stirrup then. Unknown to Adam, Joe had taken Sport for a good run that morning so that he wouldn't be so anxious to gallop. Hoss mounted up on Chubb because Sport liked to be next to the big horse. The two of them were side-by-side in the stable so it would be easier to keep Sport at the same pace as Chubb. Walking slowly, Hoss didn't let Adam take Sport any faster until he was sure he was ready. Then they did a very slow run around the pasture. It was more like a fast walk but it allowed Adam to feel the wind blowing in his face. It was invigorating after spending so much time in his bed.

Watching from the pasture fence, Joe and Leah had cheered when Adam started riding and again when the two horses picked up the pace. Hoss had told Joe that he thought that Adam and Leah were developing feelings for each other. Joe didn't know about Adam, but as he watched Leah watch Adam, he knew that Hoss was correct.

"Isn't he magnificent?"

"Yeah, and the rider ain't too bad either, is he?"

"Oh, Joe, are you ever serious about anything?"

"Oh, I'm serious when I need to be. This isn't one of those times." Leah turned back to watch Adam ride, and Joe smiled as he thought she looked a lot like she was about to drool. If Adam had been able to speak, Joe would have teased him about that later. Then he did get serious, because no matter how much better Adam got, things wouldn't be right until he could talk, and Joe would continue to feel guilty about what had happened until that point too.

Hoss brought the riding to a close after only a half hour. "I don't want you getting too tired and falling off, and you knows exactly what I mean. Now tomorrow, we can do this again. In fact, we can do this every day as long as the sun is shining."

Adam pointed in the direction of the lake and pointed at Leah. Hoss got the idea.

"Yes, Miss Leah can come riding with us too, and we can ride to the lake when you're a bit stronger."

"But I don't know how to ride."

Leah's statement was met with incredulous looks by both Adam and Hoss, but only Hoss could say anything about it.

"You live out here in the West, and you can't ride a horse?"

"No, I've always lived in towns and cities and never needed to learn. I've always traveled by carriage or stage or sometimes by railroad or boat. I've never been on a horse."

Thinking for just a moment, Hoss knew what he had to do. "All right, then, this is a good time to learn. Adam can't ride that fast yet, so you can ride right beside us. We'll go real slow and easy so you can learn without being scared. You're not scared, are you?"

"No, I'm not scared. It's just that I don't think it's necessary for me to learn to ride."

Leaning against Sport and rubbing his neck, Adam smiled. He clapped his hands to get everyone's attention and then pointed at Leah and at Sport. He mimed Hoss helping someone up into the saddle.

"Ma'am, I think Adam is suggesting that you should have your first lesson right now. Now Adam walks real slow so ifn he was to lead Sport around the yard, you would be perfectly safe. Nobody could fall off at that slow a pace."

"But, you don't have a side saddle."

"No, but you could just bunch your skirts up and sit on the saddle like anybody."

"No, I should have a riding skirt or something like that."

"Ma'am, I do think you're afraid of that horse. Joe, you think she's afraid of that horse?"

"She certainly is. Maybe we should see if we can find an old broken down nag for her to ride. She'd never keep up to Adam that way though. Heck she may never get to have a picnic by the lake with Adam if she doesn't want to learn to ride."

Joe was laying it on rather thickly, but Adam appreciated the effort. He was surprised though that Hoss was trying so hard to get Leah to ride. He wondered if Hoss didn't have feelings for her as he had thought. Maybe he was wrong about that because Hoss seemed to be doing his best to get Leah to go with Adam.

"Ma'am, you keep on telling Adam to try harder, to accept the challenges you give him, and not to give up, but here you're ready to give up without even trying."

"All right, I'll try it."

When Doctor Martin drove his carriage into the yard later, Adam was very slowly leading Sport around the yard with a smiling Leah sitting in the saddle. She had been stiff with fright at first, but as she got used to the movement, she had found it to be very pleasant. Hoss and Joe sat in chairs on the porch encouraging her. Paul helped a guest from the carriage.

"Adam, how pleasant to see you. When I saw Doctor Martin heading out of town in this direction, I knew he had to be coming to see you so I tagged along. You don't mind at all, do you? Well of course you wouldn't. You danced with me quite a few times at the last dance. Now I heard you couldn't walk or talk. It's clear you can walk, so why haven't you been to town to see me? Now where are my manners? This must be your nurse, and she's riding astride like a common cowboy. You certainly don't seem to care though, do you? After all, I suppose, to be your nurse doesn't mean that she has to be a lady, now does it?"

Adam was getting furious. Hoss could see that his nostrils were flaring and his face was getting darker so he hurried to Sport's side and helped Leah to dismount. She looked about as angry as Adam was. There was going to be some kind of mess if someone didn't do something very quickly. Doctor Martin was the one to save the day.

"I do need to speak to Adam and Leah privately, so if Hoss and Joe could please escort Miss Davidson inside, I'll talk with Adam and Leah on the porch."

After quickly tying Sport to the corral fence, Hoss took Miss Davidson's arm and Joe was there to take the other arm, and they escorted her into the house. Within a minute, Ben was outside.

"What's going on? Why is Patricia here?"

"Ben, you know how she is. She insisted that she had to come along with me because she and Adam supposedly have a burgeoning relationship. I can see now that was all in her imagination."

"Yes, she chased him around the dance floor at the last dance. He ended up dancing with her several times because there was no way a gentleman could extricate himself from her. If I recall, the two of us left early that night because Adam couldn't stand having to be around her any longer. Apparently she has set her sights on Adam and isn't prepared to accept that it won't work."

"Well, I am very sorry for subjecting you to her, but I will pay a penance for my mistake. Now I have to listen to her all the way back to town too."

"So, is this a social visit or do you have news?"

"Adam, I heard from the doctors in Boston. They have a theory about your silence."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Paul spoke directly to Adam because his memory was likely the key to him speaking. "Now when this first happened, you didn't seem to have any memory of how you were hurt. But as we have talked over the last couple of weeks, you do seem to remember so there was no memory loss from what happened. The theory is that you were thinking of something that meant you had to be quiet, and that was the last rational thought you had before being hurt. Somehow in your brain, you have associated that thought with being safe. Can you remember what you were thinking when those fence posts fell over on you?"

Looking down at the ground, Adam tried to recall that day. He remembered a lot of things but couldn't remember what he had been thinking. After several minutes, he looked up. He couldn't remember. When he shook his head, Paul had two thoughts to share.

"If you don't remember, it doesn't mean you won't talk. As time goes on, the association like memories in general will get weaker. It could just not matter at all at some point and then you'll talk. The other possibility is now that you are trying to remember, it may come to you when you aren't trying so hard. You know, like when you're trying to remember a name and you can't but an hour, a day, or two days later, all of a sudden, you remember. It could be like that. But regardless of what happens, the doctors think you will talk. It is a matter of time. With Leah, you can continue to work on walking and using your arm. When you can make sounds, she can work on speech with you."

Adam nodded. He forced himself to remember that even a few weeks earlier, he had been discouraged thinking he would never walk again, and today he could walk and had taken a ride on Sport. It was a long recuperation, but he was getting better. He smiled and reached out to shake Paul's hand. Paul noted that Adam seemed to be in control of his emotions and thoughts much more than he had been several weeks earlier. He was more like the Adam they all knew except for the silence. Ben knew that Adam didn't want to see Patricia, and that anything she learned was going to be all over Virginia City as fast as she could start talking to people. She would try to make it seem as if she had some special relationship with Adam and his family to have this knowledge that no one else in town had.

"Maybe the two of you could walk Sport into the stable. I'll send Hoss out to help you with him, and I'll tell Patricia that the two of you have important matters to discuss."

Ben had underestimated Patricia though. She was very disappointed not to see Adam when she came outside, but then wanted to know how Adam could communicate with Leah if he couldn't talk. Ben had to tell her that Adam could write. She tucked that information away like treasure. As she left with Doctor Martin, she said she would be back. Ben tried to say that they would prefer that people come by invitation instead, but she told him that Adam wanted her to visit. Other than being exceptionally rude, Ben couldn't argue with her. He shrugged and assumed they would have to find another way to discourage this woman.

In the stable, Adam was sitting on a bale of hay with Leah as Hoss took care of Sport. Adam had gotten a measure of grain for his horse but was too tired to do any more. Leah sat beside him and asked if he remembered anything that he had been thinking on the day he was first hurt. Hoss asked why that was important so Leah explained what the doctor had said. Hoss twisted his mouth one way and then the other as Adam grinned. Leah looked at him quizzically and he pointed to his head and mouthed that Hoss was thinking. Soon Hoss remembered the day as well as he could.

"It was hot. I remember that. We had been working hard for a lot of weeks without a real day off. Dawn to dusk was the usual schedule, and we'd had some problems that had us out working on Sundays too which Pa usually wouldn't have us do, but we were short-handed too. Joe was talking constantly it seemed. He complained about no days off, about working so hard, and all sorts of other stuff when he wasn't talking about some gal or singing some tune. I know I thought his singing was all right, but Adam always said he was flat or something like that. I know Adam said more than once that Joe could be quiet for a while, but I don't think he ever was. Then he fell and you know the rest. I don't remember Adam saying much of anything that morning except about Joe making too much racket."

By the time Hoss finished, Adam was frowning in thought but shook his head. He couldn't remember what he might have been thinking although now he did remember being irritated at Joe for never allowing the quiet to intrude.

"Adam, it's all right. Now you have more clues. You know, like Doctor Paul said, maybe it will just come to you now if you relax about it."

Hoss finished the chores, and Adam stood and wrapped his arm around Leah's shoulders as she wrapped an arm around his waist. He could walk better with someone helping him, and most often, that was Leah. Without someone there for support, he walked very slowly shifting his right foot forward and then stepping with his left leg and pulling the right leg forward again. It was ungainly but he liked being able to do it himself except when he had a destination in mind like the house because getting there alone took a lot of time. It was quicker and seemed very natural as the three of them walked to the house. Once inside, Hoss unbuckled his gunbelt and placed it on the credenza. Adam stopped there and picked up his holster and pistol showing them to Hoss.

"You want to try doing that?" At Adam's nod, Hoss set up a plan. "Why don't I unload the pistol and you can see how you do holding it and trying to keep it steady. Once you can hold it all right, I'll take you outside for some target practice." Adam nodded then, but Hoss and Adam didn't see the look on Leah's face until after he finished explaining to Adam what he thought they should do. It was fairly clear that she didn't like the idea at all, and in general, both thought it was probably the use of the pistol that bothered her because of the comments she made about the men arming themselves every day when they left the house. She remained silent however she did incorporate the pistol into Adam's exercises and had him hold it with his right hand and try to squeeze the trigger. She had to admit to herself that she was pleased that he couldn't for she preferred that he would learn how to use the pistol again after she was gone, and as well as he was doing, she was thinking that her time on the ranch was drawing to a close. With the generous salary that Ben was paying her, she had a nice bank account and would be able to support herself for at least the next year very comfortably.

Sometimes when Leah was with Adam, she thought about leaving and it made her very sad. A few times when that happened, Adam noticed and lifted her chin with a finger and looked into her eyes silently asking what was wrong. He never got an answer as Leah always claimed she was tired, or missed her brother, or any other excuse she could think of at the time. She couldn't admit to herself or to Adam what she actually felt. She reminded herself that a nurse was not supposed to fall in love with a patient and that she wanted a career not a marriage. Then one day she was startled from her reverie when a loud click sounded near her. She turned to find Adam looking at her in triumph for he had managed to pull the trigger of the pistol. She sighed for the one thing she wanted more than anything for him was that he could talk, but there had been no development in that area at all.

Short walks, lifting weights, taking rides, and pistol practice became the norm for Adam's recuperation. He could only walk a short distance before his leg grew weaker and the stairs were still a problem, so he spent quite a lot of time with his arm around Leah who helped him with those tasks. He could saddle a horse again, so often saddled two taking Leah for short rides with him. Hoss was true to his word and began working with him on target practice. Once Hoss pronounced that Adam was competent with the pistol, Adam made a request of Hop Sing and wrote an invitation to Leah asking her to a picnic at the lake. His skill with the pistol meant that he could adequately protect her, and her riding was improving so that she could make the longer ride.

The days had been getting shorter and cooler, but the previous few days had been unseasonably mild. Adam said a little prayer that there would be at least one more of those mild days. His prayer was answered with an unseasonably mild and sunny late fall day that was suitable for a picnic. A guest from the east had left a riding skirt behind when returning home and Leah was wearing that for riding. Joe loaned her a shirt to wear with it, but she still pinned her hair up tightly every day.

The ride to the lake was pleasant, but there were so many things Adam found that he wanted to say and couldn't. Even if he had been able to write while riding, he found writing to be so slow. It couldn't ever keep up with the ideas he had that he wanted to express. He hoped his actions would show Leah how much he cared for her. He wanted her to stay and not as his nurse. They walked to the shore, they skipped stones, or rather, Leah skipped stones and Adam tried. His toss was a bit more of a jerk than a throw as he hadn't been practicing that move so he only got a few skips with each stone. They had the lunch that Hop Sing had packed. Leah said something that made Adam want to reassure her.

"I'm going to miss Hop Sing's cooking. It's like dining at a fine restaurant for every meal. You really should pay him more."

Adam shook his head, and Leah smiled.

"You don't think you should pay him more?"

Nodding and then shaking his head unsure of how to answer that one, Adam moved closer to Leah on the blanket. He reached up and pulled two of the pins from her hair letting some hair cascade down the sides of her face. Then he slowly pulled the other pins as she didn't complain. With his fingers in her hair, he pulled her close and buried his face in her soft dark hair before moving to kiss her neck and then up her jaw line to her mouth which he captured with his in a sensuous kiss. He nudged her lips apart and deeply kissed her as his arm wrapped around her and pulled her close. Leah was overwhelmed. She had not known how to react when he first took liberties with her hair but as he touched her and then kissed her, she melted into his embrace. He could have done anything with her at that point. Adam was battling his desires though as he wanted her completely but knew he had to let her know the depth of his passion for her without scaring her away. He hoped that he could do that. He pulled her down onto the blanket and they kissed more as Adam held her to him and caressed her back. He wanted to do so much more but knew that he shouldn't. Then Leah pulled away from him.

"Adam, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let that happen. Let's go back to the house."

Pulling his notebook to him, Adam wrote furiously. "_I wanted to let you know how I feel. I want you to stay_."

"Adam, my job is done here. I need to leave. I'll go back to town tomorrow. You can do all the things you need to do without me."

In shock at her words, Adam had nothing to say. He wondered if she thought of him as just a 'job', and now she had finished. Except the way she had kissed him argued against that. However Leah began gathering up their things and packing them away. She kept her back to Adam so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes. She knew she had hurt him with those stinging words but felt that she had to do it. Adam stood and rolled up the blanket. After he secured the blanket and saddlebags on the horses, he tightened the cinches and handed the reins of one to Leah who mounted up and began to ride. Adam followed her home wondering how everything had turned out so much differently than he had hoped. In the stable, Leah told him she would see him in the house and took the blanket and saddlebags with her as she left. Adam began unsaddling the horses until he was interrupted by an upset Hoss.

"What did you do? Leah just told Pa that she's leaving. She's going back to town tomorrow. You were a gentleman with her, weren't ya? Dadburnit, I wish you could talk."

Adam took the notebook out and wrote just a few words. "_I asked her to stay. I kissed her. Now she wants to leave_."

"Well, that don't make no sense at all. I hope you can find a way to convince her to stay."

Adam shrugged. He had no idea why she felt she had to leave unless she didn't care for him as he thought she did. "_She said I was a job and now that job is done_."

"I'm sorry. That musta hurt."

Adam nodded, and Hoss helped him with the two horses. The two brothers worked silently together and then walked slowly to the house. Adam got the same kind of looks from Joe and Ben as he had gotten questions from Hoss. Hoss shook his head at the two of them letting them know not to say anything to Adam who was already upset. Dinner was relatively quiet and then Leah excused herself to go pack. Hoss gave a short explanation of what had happened so that Adam wouldn't have to deal with it. That night, Adam sat silently as usual, but this time, he was staring into the fire lost in thought.

In the morning, Leah asked who was giving her a ride to town. Adam raised his hand surprising everyone. It might be painful, but he wanted as much time with her as he could get because he was very worried that this might be his last chance to be with her. He and Hoss went outside to hitch up the carriage leaving Leah to finish her breakfast with Ben and Joe. Joe quickly realized that his father wanted to talk with Leah so he decided to go help his brothers.

"Are you sure this is the best thing to do? Adam has strong feelings for you, and I had the impression that you cared for him too."

"It isn't unusual for feelings to develop between patient and nurse over a long course of treatment such as this. When I'm gone, I'm sure those feelings will fade as Adam returns to his life."

"I thought you knew my son better than that. Those feelings won't fade, and the hurt will be there too."

"I think you're wrong, Mr. Cartwright. Now I need to get going. I think perhaps I stayed here too long as it is. Goodbye, and thank you for your hospitality."

Outside, Leah bid Hoss and Joe goodbye before climbing into the carriage where Adam waited. He snapped the reins, and they headed to town. Hoss and Joe watched them go.

"Hoss, you think he's got a chance to change her mind. I was kinda getting used to having her around. She isn't the beautiful woman I thought Adam would bring home some day, but she's nice enough."

"For once, it isn't our brother being a mule-headed stubborn fool. He ought to know what dealing with one of them is like, but I don't know if even he can budge her when she's got her mind made up. This might not work out."

"He's gonna be a bear to live with all winter if she really does leave."

About halfway to town, Adam pulled the carriage to the side of the road. He took out his notebook and flipped it open. "_Kiss me, and then tell me you still want to leave_." It was a challenge and he knew it. He waited for Leah's response.

"A kiss won't prove anything. Can we please just go?"

Adam frowned at her and waited.

"Oh, very well, if that's what it takes to convince you. I would think that yesterday would have been enough for you."

Pulling Leah into a kiss, Adam was passionate but as gentle as he could be. He held the kiss with her until he had done his best to show his feelings. Her lips were puffy and her cheeks were red when he released her. She turned to look forward.

"Now, can we go to town?" Leah couldn't bear to look at him. She knew she had hurt him, and that had been the last thing she wanted to do. Her thoughts and emotions were in turmoil, and all she could think to do was to withdraw into icy professionalism. Adam picked up the reins and reluctantly snapped them to get the horses moving. In town, he unloaded Leah's bags at a boarding house. She thanked him and then said goodbye quickly before moving inside. As the door closed, Adam climbed back into the carriage but sat staring at the closed door for another minute before turning the carriage and heading back home ignoring any hails he got from people he knew who began to wonder if he was deaf as well as mute.

All the way home, Adam thought about stopping and going back, but other than physically taking her back into the carriage, he couldn't see a way to get her to come back to the Ponderosa with him. He had a difficult time believing what she had said to him. He couldn't believe that she had no feelings for him, but without his ability to speak, he couldn't think of a way to convince her to accept those feelings. Instead, she rejected them and rejected him. He wondered what was so wrong with him that no woman he wanted ever stayed with him. He considered the alternative but shuddered at the thought of living with a beautiful woman like Patricia Davidson. When Adam got home and unhitched the carriage horse and took him into the stable, he heard footsteps. He expected Hoss and was surprised to see his father.

"She loves you."

Adam shrugged and put his hands out in a gesture of helplessness.

"I know. She's making it very difficult, but when have you ever wanted to be with a woman when it was easy?"

That made Adam grin.

"You have pursued some women whom I have questioned as to whether they were a good match for you. This one is. When I told her about Laura, she got mad. She was already jealous and protective of you. That was quite a while ago. She wants a career as a nurse, and she's afraid you would stand in the way of that."

Adam shook his head.

"I know you wouldn't, but she doesn't know that. She's been here in this sheltered world we have. She hasn't seen any more of you than as a cowboy who was hurt. Now is your chance to show her what you are. You aren't her patient any more. She has officially released you, so now you're free to pursue her as a man would pursue the woman he loves. Are you ready to do that?"

Adam grinned again.

"You started yesterday when you took her on a picnic and kissed her. Now we all know that shook her up. Did she kiss you today?"

Adam grinned one more time. He had been very down when he got home, and his father had said all the right things. Adam wrapped him into a hug. Ben was surprised, but that was something that seemed to have changed with Adam. He no longer had his words so he had to show the most powerful of emotions some other way.

"You know we'll help you any way we can. Now let's get this horse into a stall so we can go to the house and talk this over." Adam raised one eyebrow. "Oh, you know what I mean. Now let's get busy."

Father and son worked together to take care of the horse and the tack. Ben talked then about some of the conversations he had carried on with Leah. He mentioned some of the things she said about how beautiful she found the Ponderosa but also that she wanted to help people. Finally he said it had been Hoss who had first thought that Leah was falling in love with Adam, but that all of them had seen evidence that it was true, and that they all thought Adam loved her. All Adam could do was smile and nod in agreement.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Once inside the house, it was clear that the family had been talking. Hoss suggested that Adam bring a horse to town and leave him at the livery stable for Leah to ride when she wanted. Joe suggested that dinner and a night at Piper's Opera House on Saturday would be very nice. Ben said that he would stop by to see her and invite her to dinner on Sunday as a way to say thank you for all that she had done for them. He guessed that Leah would not be able to say no to him. So Hoss looked at Adam when all three of them finished talking.

"How does that sound, older brother? I mean we all want to see Leah here more so we want this to work for you."

Adam smiled and gave the thumb up sign. Then he pulled out a notebook and asked a few questions. He wanted to know if anyone was going to town with him to help him communicate with people such as Hank at the livery stable and then he had to make reservations at the restaurant and buy tickets.

"Well, we figured you'd be doing that. Ifn any of us was there to help ya, people in town might not think you were capable of doing it yourself. Course, if you did need any help, I'm guessing you could ask Leah to help you." Hoss grinned then because he was proud of himself for thinking of that.

The next morning, Adam rode to town leading the horse that Leah had been riding while on the ranch. He had a small bag with the riding skirt as well. By now it was well known in town that he couldn't speak, so when he got out his notebook at the livery stable, the young man who worked there waited patiently until he had written the instructions for the boarding of the horse. After making reservations at the restaurant and then buying tickets, Adam headed to the boarding house to drop off the riding skirt and ask Leah to dinner and the Piper Opera House production that Saturday night. It was the last traveling show of the season for Piper's so he had purchased the tickets to be sure he could get them. Leah was not at the boardinghouse according to the owner so he sat on the porch there and waited. Just before lunch, Leah rounded the corner heading toward the boardinghouse and saw Adam on the porch. She knew he was waiting for her, and she was worried about what he might have to say. She had treated him so shabbily that she worried that he had gotten angry and was there to express that. She didn't know what to say so she said little.

"Greetings, Adam. I didn't expect to see you."

Adam smiled surprising Leah. He pulled some cards out of his pocket and looked them over before handing one to her. "_I'm sorry if I overstepped myself with you. I apologize if I did. I would like to make amends by having dinner with you on Saturday and then treating you to an evening at Piper Opera House. It is very little, but if you accept then I would know that you forgive me for any bad behavior._" Adam waited for Leah to read and to respond. He was hopeful but a bit worried because so much was riding on this working.

Leah read the card and refused to look up at first. She needed time to think. She had cried herself to sleep that first night in town and that morning her landlady had asked her if Adam had broken her heart. "He's broken many a heart, that one. So handsome but none can seem to tame him." Pouring out her heart, Leah had responded that she was afraid that she might have broken Adam's heart, but here he was, and he didn't seem sad at all although he did seem nervous.

"It's not necessary for you to do anything. I thought we ended our relationship well. I'm planning a trip to see my brother. It's been a long time since I've seen him."

Pulling out his notebook, Adam wrote quickly. "_Could you postpone traveling until Monday at least. I know my father wants to talk with you. He mentioned it yesterday after I got home."_

Leah knew that there was no good reason to deny his request. She also did not want to hurt him by spurning his offers. "Very well. I can do that. What is the usual dress for attending the Piper Opera House production?"

Adam pulled a card apparently ready for that question. "_Your best party dress, and a nice shawl if you have one." _

"Adam, I don't really have a party dress. I have the dresses you've seen me wear. I suppose I could buy one with all the money I earned working for your family."

So Adam pulled a second card he had prepared because he had suspected that was true_. "We would be pleased if you would let us buy you a dress. What you did for me deserves a reward above and beyond the salary that you were paid._"

"I can't let you buy me a dress. People would talk."

Apparently he was ready for that one too or for something similar and handed another card to her. "_The Cartwrights would be buying you a dress. We would put it on our tab with the seamstress. She makes a lot of clothing for us. Black shirts and shirts big enough for Hoss aren't that easy to get."_

It seemed Adam was ready for any argument she had, and standing next to him made it difficult for her to think anyway. "Very well. I can't seem to say no to you today."

Adam grinned letting Leah know exactly what he was thinking. She couldn't help it and laughed. Adam offered her his arm, and she slipped her arm through his elbow. They began walking together, and Leah noticed how many people were looking at them. Leah noticed that if they walked at a leisurely pace, Adam had no limp or any sign that he had struggled to walk at all only a few weeks earlier. At the door of a restaurant, Adam paused and tipped his head toward the door.

"I thought we were going to the seamstress?"

Adam held up one finger and pointed at the restaurant. Then he held up two fingers and pointed down the street. She understood. He wanted lunch first and then the walk to the seamstress. It seemed so natural to agree so she did. Her life was about to change, but she didn't know it yet. Adam ordered lunch by pointing to menu items listed on the chalkboard on the wall. Then after Leah ordered, he pulled out another card on which Hoss explained why she was getting the use of the horse. Adam added one more card to tell her that he had brought the riding skirt to town for her.

Leah pointed at his shirt pocket. "Do you have any more cards in there?"

Adam shook his head and shrugged and that made Leah laugh. He liked hearing her laugh. They had lunch and then walked to the seamstress shop. When Leah went to the back, Adam made as if to follow her, which got the ladies smiling and shaking their heads at him. He found that women were even more accepting of him now that he couldn't talk. He wondered about that but decided to simply accept his good fortune in having so many women bid him a good day, but the one who mattered the most to him was by his side that day. He had a difficult time not smiling constantly. Leah came out wearing a new dress. It was dark green with some ivory trim. It was much more flattering than anything Adam had ever seen her wear. It had an open neckline and the sleeves left the lower arms bare.

"Mavis said she could make a dress like this for me in any color, or I could buy this one. What do you think?"

Looking from her neck to the floor and back up again, it was clear that Adam was very appreciative not only of the dress but the lady in it. He was grinning again, and gave a thumb up signal pointing at the dark green dress. Leah smiled nervously. She knew she was encouraging his interest even though she had told herself over and over that she needed to focus on her work, but there was no work, and now there was a lot of Adam. She couldn't help herself so she decided she would do what she had agreed to do with Adam, and perhaps when she visited her brother, he would be able to help her decide what to do next. The dress was wrapped up and Adam took it from Mavis with a big thank you telling her to put it on the Ponderosa account. Then he offered his arm to Leah and escorted her back to the boardinghouse. He pulled out his notebook then and wrote a time for him to call for her on Saturday. She agreed with a nervous smile. Adam took her hand then, bowed, and kissed the back of it.

"Adam, you shouldn't do that. People will think that you are courting me."

Adam looked at her as if to say that perhaps that is what he wanted them to think.

"But I'm a nurse, and I'm not supposed to get involved with my patients."

Taking out his notebook, Adam had an answer that left her speechless. "_I'm not your patient any more._" He turned then and walked toward the livery stable fighting the urge to turn around to see if she was watching him. He saw Roy standing at the corner and smiled as he walked up to him.

"You must have said something pretty big to that gal. She's still staring at ya."

Adam grinned and nodded. He and Roy walked to the livery together with Roy doing the talking of course. "She ain't the prettiest gal I ever seen on your arm." That got a look from Adam that said more than anything that Roy needed to be careful what he said next. "But she is probably the nicest one. She's right smart too. Just having a conversation with her makes me feel like I know more than I did before I talked with her. Like I know she's in love with you, and from the looks of it, you're in love with her." Adam shrugged, and Roy laughed. "You know, if you could talk, I bet that would still have been all you would have said about it anyway." At the livery stable, as Adam mounted up to ride home, Roy reached up to shake his hand. "I'll watch out for your gal." Adam tipped his hat and wheeled his horse to head for home.

Anxious for Saturday to arrive, Adam ended up helping Hoss with some chores. As they worked on repairing a wagon, Hoss asked Adam if he had remembered what he had been thinking on that morning when he was hurt. He nodded because he could remember, but didn't know that remembering had made any difference. He pulled out his notebook and started writing. He had remembered that Joe had been making all sorts of noise that morning. Adam had irritated more than once with his off-key singing and his frequent complaints about having to work so hard as well as complaining about the hot weather. As Adam was writing with Hoss reading over his shoulder, he suddenly remembered more. He had been thinking about when they had first built that fence which was one of the original fences on the Ponderosa and had held their first herd. When they built it, Ben had told Adam that they needed to be very quiet as they worked so that they could hear any animals or any dangerous men including Indians who might want to take what they had or even their lives. Adam had been very young at that point and hadn't made a sound all day other than those necessary ones made by a shovel digging a hole or filling a hole around a post and tamping down the soil. He continued to write, and when he finished, Hoss was thinking.

"So you might have been thinking about how Pa told you not to make a sound, and now your brain is kinda telling you that all the time cause it was the last thing before you got hurt?"

Adam shrugged and wondered if it could really be that simple. He tore the page out of the notebook, folded it, and put it in his pocket. He was going to rewrite that whole story more legibly on a card and give it to Leah on Saturday to see what she thought. Saturday seemed to take a month to get there because Adam was that anxious. It made his family happy to see him that interested in someone, but they couldn't help teasing him about it even if he couldn't snap back at them for it. It was all in good humor though so that as Adam left late on Saturday afternoon in the carriage, there were smiles all around. Ben had managed to get to town to invite Leah to dinner on Sunday. Adam was going to stay in town overnight and give Leah a ride to the Ponderosa on Sunday after church services.

As Adam arrived at the boardinghouse, he was in a wonderful mood. He had left the carriage at the livery stable and gotten a room at the hotel. He walked up to the porch of the boardinghouse and knocked. When the door was answered, Mildred Purcell, the landlady, answered and asked him to wait in the parlor. She had quite a smile so Adam wondered what was going on, but didn't have to wait long as Leah entered. Her hair surprised him the most. It was still pinned but now with curls as well as some beautiful combs. With the green dress, the effect was quite pretty. Mildred followed her charge into the parlor.

"I haven't had an opportunity to wear those combs since my Rufus died. He loved them so, but they look so beautiful on Leah. Now, Adam Cartwright, see that you are a gentleman and have this lady home at a respectable hour."

Adam smiled at her and nodded hardly daring to take his eyes from Leah even for a moment. He offered his arm to Leah, and Mildred reminded them that Leah ought to be wearing a shawl at the very least as the temperature was cool. Neither of them had seemed to notice. Dinner was going so well as Adam showed Leah the card on which he had written his memories of the day he was originally injured.

"Oh, Adam, this could be the key. Now that you know, perhaps somehow your mind will release you to talk. I guess all we can do is to wait. Since you were in town, I've been thinking a lot about the two of us." Adam smiled and reached for her hand, but things were not going to continue so well.

"Adam Cartwright, you've been in town several times and have yet to call on me, but I find you in a restaurant with your nurse. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? After that last dance, people know that we're a couple so this looks a lot like you're stepping out on me. Now, why don't we take a walk together, and you can make it all up to me?" Patricia Davidson was on a roll and not about to stop of her own volition. Knowing that Adam couldn't respond made her more bold than usual.

Leah wasn't going to let her do what she wanted. "You're making a scene, Miss Davidson. Adam and I are having dinner, and then we are going to the Piper Opera House. Perhaps you could pick another day to harass Adam."

"Excuse me, but I was speaking to Adam, and I hardly think he needs his nurse here any more."

"I am no longer his nurse."

"Well, then what are you?"

Looking at Adam who was calming down as he enjoyed the sparring between the two, Leah wasn't sure what to say. Finally, she said what was already clear. "We're friends, very good friends."

Adam stood then and offered Leah's shawl to her as he rather brazenly turned his back on Patricia making it clear to all there that he was not interested in her. She was furious, but there was nothing she could do about the woman who she thought was stealing Adam away from her. Without a backward glance, Adam escorted Leah from the restaurant. As they walked to Piper's, Adam pulled his notebook from his pocket and wrote a quick apology for Leah having to endure Patricia.

"It's all right, Adam. None of that was your fault. Now, let's enjoy the rest of our evening together, as friends."

Adam wasn't sure if that was progress, but at least she was by his side and holding his hand as they left Piper's two hours later. He walked her to her boardinghouse and was going to turn to leave when Leah's hand on his arm stopped him.

"Do you want to come inside for a little while?"

Taking out his notebook, Adam realized he was getting very tired of carrying on a conversation that way. He wrote that Mildred would never allow it because it was after ten, and that she was already watching them from the front window. Leah nodded.

"Will you kiss me goodnight even if she's watching?"

Adam leaned down and kissed her gently moaning a bit as he had to pull away so soon or have Mildred outside telling him he wasn't a gentleman. Then his eyes got big and he looked at Leah who had the same look.

"Adam, you made a sound. I heard it. You made a sound."

Unable to stop himself then, Adam grabbed Leah in a big hug and kissed her soundly. That did bring Mildred out onto the porch.

"Adam Cartwright, you know that is no way to treat a lady. Hugging and kissing her on a public street like that." Mildred had quite a frown for Adam with that one.

"But, Mildred, Adam made a sound. He made a sound. Don't you understand? It's the first sound he's been able to make in months. It's wonderful."

Then Leah couldn't help herself and hugged Adam and kissed him enthusiastically. Mildred didn't hardly know what to say so she said the first thing that she could think to say.

"Well, come inside anyway. You're making a spectacle of yourself out there."

Mildred held the door open as Adam escorted Leah inside. He tried to say something but there was nothing yet.

"Adam, remember that it might happen when you are not trying so hard. You need to relax and enjoy the moment. You made a sound so now we know you can. It's just a matter of time now before you're talking."

Mildred got some tea and cookies, and the three of them celebrated the occasion especially after Leah explained to Mildred why it was so important. Then Mildred asked about their evening, and learned how Patricia had almost ruined the evening for them.

"That woman is getting desperate to find a man to marry, and she's set her sights rather high. She wants a man of means, but with that mouth of hers, she couldn't even get one of the foreign miners who doesn't speak English to want to have anything to do with her. If she could only learn the benefits of silence. Do you think a good swat to the head might do some good?"

That's when Adam and Leah learned that Mildred had a wicked sense of humor as well as a romantic soul that she had shown earlier. Once she had found out about the torment that Leah was suffering not knowing how to react to Adam's attentions, she had counseled her to get dressed up for the evening and enjoy a night out that would be a good chance to get to know more about the man who wanted to be her husband. Leah had protested that Adam had said nothing about marriage, and Mildred had quite honestly told her that if Adam Cartwright was interested in a woman, it was because he wanted her as his wife. She said that she knew Adam had been close a time or two, and Leah said she knew about Laura. The two of them had talked a bit about that as Mildred had helped Leah wash her hair and add curls to it. But now it was nearly eleven and Mildred told Adam he needed to get going to get home safely. Adam wrote a note that he had a room at the hotel.

"Well, then get going to it, you scamp. You know I was telling you that it was time for you to go. A respectable lady does not entertain men until all hours of the night."

Adam stood and pulled Mildred up to stand beside him. He kissed her on the cheek. He smiled then and did the same with Leah before leaving.

"Dearie, you got yourself quite a charmer in that one. I can't wait until you hear that voice of his. It could melt butter."

Leah's eyes got very big as Mildred turned to her and smiled. "I've been widowed for over twenty years, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten how to appreciate fine male qualities."

Leah gave a decidedly wicked look to match the one that Mildred had. "And Adam certainly has some fine male qualities." The two chuckled as they turned down the lamps and headed up to bed.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It didn't take long for the family to see that the night had gone well for Adam and Leah. The two of them were smiling and waiting at church. Leah could hardly contain her enthusiasm and said that Adam had made a sound. Ben asked when he had done that and suddenly Leah realized she should have thought that part of the conversation through before blurting out the news. Adam smirked as she struggled to find the words.

"Kiiisss." It sounded just a bit like a snake hissing and had almost that same way of freezing the whole group. Adam had said his first word in months and looked almost as surprised as everyone else. Leah wrapped her arms around him and did just that. She was so excited she forgot where she was and with whom she was standing. That made her a bit embarrassed when she released him and saw everyone staring at her.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me to do something like that."

Reaching down, Adam took her hand and pulled it to him. He kissed the back of it and nodded toward the church doors. Ben agreed although he couldn't stop smiling even when they got inside and the minister frowned a bit at the whole Cartwright clan and their guest smiling. They wiped the smiles away at the minister's frown, but when they stood for the first hymn, Leah was smiling again. She reached around Adam's back to take Ben's hand. He turned to her wondering what she wanted, but she simply placed his hand on Adam's back. Then Ben could feel the vibrations. Adam was humming along to the singing.

For the rest of the day, Adam kept trying to talk but failed each time. Then when he or anyone least expected it, he would say something. At dinner, Hoss was taking a second helping of chicken and heard Adam say 'More' very clearly. Yet when Hoss asked him if he wanted more, all he could do was nod. It was more frustrating for him than not being able to talk at all. Leah reminded him that the doctor had suggested he relax about it and that perhaps that would help. It didn't seem to matter, so after dinner, it was time for Adam to give Leah a ride back to town. He didn't want her to go, but that's where she lived for the time being as far as he was concerned. He was determined to change that and hoped it would be soon. He wrote his father a note saying he was staying in town again that night. Ben suspected he knew why.

"Are you sure about this?"

Adam nodded and smiled. The night cooled quickly so Adam pulled a blanket over their laps but even then, Leah was getting chilled because her shawl wasn't enough to hold off the cold. Adam pulled the blanket up and around her shoulders tucking it closed.

"But you'll get cold now."

Adam shook his head and pointed at his coat. He knew he might get a little cold by the time they reached town, but with his coat buttoned up tight, it would be all right. When they reached the boardinghouse, Adam helped Leah from the carriage. As she wrapped her arms around him to say goodnight, she realized he was cold.

"Adam, you're chilled. Come inside and have some tea or coffee to warm you up. I'm sure that Mildred won't mind. It's not even eight yet."

Adam agreed not because he was that cold, but because he got to spend more time with Leah. Mildred greeted him with a smile and went to get some tea and cookies. She planned to chaperone the two because although she did approve of this match, she didn't want anything happening in her house that would lead to gossip. Adam thought everything was going very well until Leah dropped a bombshell on him.

"Adam, why don't you stay in town again tonight if you can. It's so cold that I would feel better knowing you are safe and warm. Then you could have breakfast with me tomorrow before I get on the stage for San Francisco." Adam nearly dropped his cup of tea in his surprise, and it must have shown in his look too for Leah was apologetic. "I'm sorry. I thought you knew. You asked me to postpone my visit to my brother until Monday at least so that's what I did. I have a ticket for the stage tomorrow. I want to spend Christmas with my brother. I'm the only family he has out here, and I would feel very badly if he had to be alone when everyone else is with family."

Many thoughts surged through Adam's mind, and he wished so much that he could talk them through with Leah, but couldn't. He soon wrote that it was time for him to go, and that he would accept that breakfast invitation. Then he went outside to bring the carriage to the livery and go to the hotel. He couldn't sleep though, and midway through the night began writing messages in his notebook. Satisfied that he had done all that he could do at that point, he finally was able to get a few hours of sleep. He headed to the boardinghouse in the morning to escort Leah to breakfast. He smiled as soon as he saw her even if she had her hair pinned back severely again and was wearing one of her very conservatives dresses. He knew now that was how she kept her professional demeanor around most people who would likely act more respectfully in her presence as long as she was dressed that way and presented herself that way. If she was traveling alone, it was a good way to avoid unwanted attention. Adam wasn't going to let it stop him though. He offered her his arm with a smile and kept her close by his side as they walked to the restaurant. Once they were seated for breakfast, he wrote a note asking if she had a coat, gloves, and warm boots to wear.

"No, I'm afraid I don't. I've got my shawl and a muff. It will have to do until I can do some shopping or make a warmer coat which is what I should do because it would be a lot cheaper."

Adam rushed her through breakfast, which surprised Leah because she thought he would want to spend that time with her before she left. After breakfast, he had other plans though. He steered her toward the seamstress shop again where he had seen several nice coats hanging on the day he had been there with Leah to buy her a dress. Leah didn't know what he wanted but went along with him because he seemed to think it was very important. Once inside, he pointed at the coats hanging there, and Leah balked.

"I want to save my money for now. I can make a coat for myself when I get back."

Pulling his notebook, Adam wrote a message that it was too dangerous for her to travel over the mountains without a good coat. The proprietress agreed with Adam after Leah repeated what he had written and added that she ought to have a hat and gloves too. Adam gave her that look that said he was right, and she had no logical argument to refute him. She tried on the coats and found one that fit her very well. Then she tried on some gloves and found a warm pair that were very comfortable and looked good with her new coat. When she pulled out money to pay, Adam pointed at himself and the proprietress wouldn't take her cash.

"I'm sorry, miss, but the Cartwrights are very good customers, and I cannot risk any ill feeling with them. If you have an issue with them paying, then you will have to settle it with them."

A little frustrated, Leah accepted the coat and put it on putting her shawl into her valise. Then he looked at Adam. "Can we go to the stage depot now. I don't want to be late."

At the stage depot, Adam was dismayed to find the stage already there and passengers already climbing aboard. The stage was usually an hour or so late and it was especially disappointing because he had thought he had another hour perhaps to convince Leah to stay. All he could do was pull one of his notes from the night before.

"_I love you_."

Clasping that note to her, Leah had eyes glistening with tears. "Adam, I do love you too. I didn't want to love you, but I couldn't help myself. From the first day, I started falling in love with you, and I thought it would hurt so much to have to walk away when you were better. I don't know what to do now. I want to love you and be with you, and I want so much to be a nurse too. And there's my brother. I'm his only family."

Frowning, Adam wrote quickly as the driver was securing all of the luggage on top of the stage. "You can have both. We can love each other and be together, and you can be a nurse. Your brother can be part of all of it."

"Ma'am, time to get aboard. Going over the mountains, I like to get an early start."

"Yes, yes, I'll be right there. Adam, do you mean that? Oh how I wish I could stay and talk with you, but I wired my brother that I was coming. He'll be expecting me."

Adam nodded before writing again. "_Stay. Invite your brother to come here for Christmas_."

"I wish I could do that, but I can't. Oh, Adam, I do love you, and I'll be back right after Christmas. We can talk then."

The passengers on the stage were entranced by the drama playing out in front of them. Even hearing only Leah's side of the conversation, they knew the turmoil the two were facing. The driver had little patience though. "Miss, get on board now, or miss the stage. I'm leaving in a minute."

Forced to decide, Leah kissed Adam on the cheek before rushing to climb aboard the stage. She didn't know how she could hide her tears from the other passengers especially when one of the ladies patted her hand in sympathy. She turned to look out the window at Adam who stood frowning because he didn't know what else he could do, and the woman he loved was leaving. He couldn't be sure she would come back. He worried that her brother might try to talk her into staying in San Francisco. Leah blew a kiss to him and then had to turn away before she lost all of her composure.

Watching the stage until it disappeared from view, Adam took a deep breath and decided to be optimistic. She still had her room at the boardinghouse and had left most of her things there, and she had said she was coming back. He had no reason not to believe her even if doubt tried to work its way in. He walked to the jewelry store and picked out a simple ring for Leah. If he had to go to San Francisco to do it, he was going to offer her this ring and a promise that he would love and cherish her forever. Then he went to get the carriage and drive home. When he got into the yard, his family came out to see him almost immediately. Joe had to run back in to get his jacket when he realized how cold it was.

"Well, older brother, didja get her to stay?" Hoss was as hopeful in his look as Joe was on Christmas morning standing at the top of the stairs looking at the presents under the tree.

But Adam had to shake his head at Hoss' question. He pulled out his notebook and explained that they had been on very good terms but that she wanted to go visit her brother. He wrote that he had asked her to stay and invite her brother to come visit but that she had not accepted that offer. Then he wrote that she said she was coming back and they would talk about the future.

Hoss frowned. "Dadburnit, I was kinda hoping she would be here for Christmas. After having her here for so long, she seemed like she was part of the family already."

"Adam, I'm glad you're going to be here for Christmas. The three of us can go get a tree to decorate just like we do every year. We'll have a lot of fun."

Joe was doing his best to keep Adam's spirits up. It didn't work that well. Adam spent most of the rest of the day sitting and staring. He tried to read a book, but found it too difficult to concentrate. Hoss had a different idea deciding that Adam needed to be busy to keep his mind off Leah being gone.

"Adam, I got some herd counts to do tomorrow. Why don't you help me? It shur would go a lot faster with you helping me."

Half-heartedly, Adam nodded. It would keep him busy, and that was probably something that would help, but at night, he would be along thinking about where Leah was and what her brother might say to her when she said that she was interested in a cowboy from Virginia City. His thoughts were dark and negative. With her education and background, her brother would likely think that Adam was not a suitable match for his sister. Adam wished he had given her the other notes he had written the night before. Instead, they were still in his pocket. He pulled them out, rolled them in a ball, and threw them into the fireplace where they were quickly consumed. The next morning, Adam and Hoss headed out to do the final herd counts before winter. There was no snow yet, but there were clouds building over the mountains. Hoss looked up at those and looked to see that Adam had noticed too.

"I'm sure she's safe. It doesn't look like it's snowing yet, and she's probably near the crest or even over it by now. Don't you worry about her."

Adam pulled his notebook from his pocket and waited for Hoss to start giving him numbers. They worked all morning and then headed back for lunch planning to ride out again in the afternoon to do more. When they got back, they put their horses in the stable so that they could warm up, and they noticed the horse that Adam had brought to town for Leah to use was in the stable as well. Frowning a little and wondering why the horse wasn't still in the livery stable in town, Adam walked to the house with Hoss. As they walked in the front door, Hoss almost knocked Adam down because Adam stopped so suddenly just over the threshold and stood unmoving.

"Hey, now you should tell a body when you're gonna stop so sudden like. I coulda hurt you."

When Adam said nothing and stared ahead toward the fireplace, Hoss looked too. Leah was standing there looking nervous. Ben stood and pointed toward the kitchen.

"I'm sure Hop Sing has some coffee for us in the kitchen. Hoss, would you join Joe and me in the kitchen for coffee?"

"Pa, I can wait for lunch." Then seeing his father's perturbed look, Hoss changed his mind. "Oh, wait, I could use some coffee." He followed his father and younger brother into the kitchen but with a backward glance wondering what was going to happen between Adam and Leah.

Leah started explaining. "It's a wonder what a couple of ladies can teach you about relationships in just the time it takes to get from Virginia City to the first stop. I took their advice and got off there at the first stop but had to wait until the afternoon to catch the stage that goes the other way. I got back to town by early evening. This morning, I got the horse from the stable and rode out here to talk with you. Mildred says hello by the way."

Recovering from the shock, Adam moved close to Leah and reached out his hands for hers as she talked. When she finished, he pulled her into an embrace and held her close to him almost not believing that this was real. When he released her to look into her eyes, he could see the tears. He kissed her cheeks wet with the few tears that had escaped. "I love you." Adam's first sentence in many months was almost a whisper and came out with each word said slowly and deliberately, but he was talking again.

"Oh, my God, Adam, I love you too. I sent a wire to my brother telling him I wouldn't be there for Christmas, and I asked him to come here as you said I could. I hope that was all right. I'm not sure what our future holds, but I couldn't leave. I thought I could, but I was wrong. If my brother does come here, he's likely to be upset. He'll think it was your doing that I didn't go to San Francisco as I said I would. By the way, the coat is wonderful. I don't think I would have been warm enough without it. The things you do for me like that let me know more than any words how much you care for me. So now what do we do?"

"Mar, mar, marry me. Please?" Again the words were stated very softly and slowly and with a stutter, but they were clear. Adam's brain was remembering the process of speech, and he was able to say things that he wanted to say.

"Oh, my, I knew you would ask, and I thought I knew what I would say, but hearing those words is still stunning. Adam, you know I still want to be a nurse. I still want to help people." Adam nodded and smiled. "Then, yes, I will marry you. We can work out all the details later. For now, we can simply be happy together."

In the kitchen, Ben and Joe were explaining to Hoss what they knew about what had happened. The two ladies on the stagecoach had done their best to console Leah when they realized she was crying. They had overheard most of what she had said at the stage depot when she was bidding goodbye to Adam and got her to explain the rest. After talking it over, both of the ladies said they thought Leah should go back and see how things would work out with Adam. They thought she was running away to San Francisco to avoid that and had heard her talk about inviting her brother to come to Virginia City instead. They thought that a young man traveling alone was preferable to her making that trip alone so agreed with Adam's idea that she should stay in town and her brother should come to her. Once they had all of that explained, Ben would take a quick look to see how Adam and Leah were doing. He saw them hugging the first time. The next time, they were standing very close and talking. The third time, Leah was alone and staring up the stairs as if waiting for Adam. Ben looked again a moment after that to see Adam descending the stairs. He hoped that was a good sign too. Finally he looked out and Adam waved to him to come out. He told Hoss and Joe before heading out to find out what had happened. When they got close to Adam, he made an announcement.

"We, wer, we're get, get, getting married." Even with the stutter and the hesitant speech, it was a triumphal statement. For the first time in many months, Adam could deliberately state what was on his mind. He took Leah's hand and raised it so that all could see the ring he had given her shining on her ring finger.

Stunned for just a moment, it didn't take long for Ben to react once everything processed in his mind. "You can talk, and you're getting married. Oh, jumping jehoshaphat, that is all great news!" At that point, Ben wasn't sure which thing had him happier but it didn't matter for they could celebrate all of it.

Hoss and Joe were there with congratulations and questions about when and where as well as asking when he had started talking like that. There were no answers for those questions other than they would work on those things and that seeing Leah again had gotten him to talk. Adam asked Leah to stay on the Ponderosa.

"I can't. It wouldn't look right especially if my brother does come to visit as I think he will. It has to be respectable if I have any chance of convincing him that he should add his blessing to us getting married."

"Your brother might not approve of you marrying my son?"

"Ben, my brother takes his responsibilities very seriously and knows how much I want a career as a healer, a nurse. He will wonder if Adam is taking advantage of me. Don't worry too much though for he is also a very intelligent man who will understand all of this much better once he meets Adam and all of you. I see now that going to see him would have been a terrible mistake. Without knowing Adam and seeing this place, he would certainly been likely to think I had been pushed into staying here with Adam. If he sees us together, he'll know it was by my free choice."

It was getting late enough then that Leah had to return to town before it was dark and too difficult for her to ride. Adam rode with her with Ben's caution in mind.

"Adam, if the snow starts falling, stay in town again. You have plans to make for your wedding anyway, and riding home in the dark and in the snow is too big a risk to take."

"Better pack a bag then, older brother, cause I just saw some snowflakes. The storm still looks like it's a ways off, but it'll probably be snowing before you can get back home."

No one ever doubted Hoss' ability to read the weather so Adam packed his saddlebags with clean clothing and his shaving kit before he and Leah began the ride to town. Adam would have liked to stop before they got to town so that he could kiss his fiancé again but with the temperature dropping and snow threatening, they had to keep riding. Once they got to town and got the horses in the livery stable, Adam walked Leah to the boardinghouse. In the dusk, he pulled her to the side of the boardinghouse and in the dark shadows there, embraced her and kissed her deeply. The kiss was interrupted however by a very unwelcome voice. It was as if she was stalking Adam the way she seemed to show up wherever he was.

"Now a respectable woman wouldn't be kissing a man so brazenly in public as that."

Releasing Leah from his embrace, Adam was angry as he turned to face Patricia. Leah felt the tension in his body and wondered what he would do.

"I thought she was just your 'friend' but seems to be something else entirely."

"Yesss, she is my fi, fi, fi. We're get, get, getting married."

After picking up his saddlebags that had been dropped in the dirt, Adam offered his arm to Leah and rather triumphantly walked her to the porch of the boardinghouse leaving a temporarily shocked Patricia in their wake.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

"Well, I expect to be invited to the engagement party and the wedding. You can't leave a good friend like me off the list." Patricia yelled after Adam and Leah as they got to the porch of the boardinghouse.

Leah whispered to Adam. "Oh, my God, she doesn't give up."

With a wave, Adam did his best to dismiss Patricia. He wanted to tell more to Leah then, but speech, like everything else it seemed, was still difficult for him, and he wanted to save any effort for talking with Leah about their wedding, her brother, and Christmas. He hoped that they could have dinner together, and then perhaps spend some time talking with his newly reacquired skill. First they had to tell Mildred, and then Adam needed to tell Roy and Paul. Now that Patricia knew, as soon as he told Roy, the news would be all over town very quickly. Roy would be happy for them and would want to tell everyone. Patricia would be happy for herself at having news that no one else had yet and would want to tell everyone too. Mildred seemed to guess as soon as they entered the boardinghouse. It was probably the glowing smile that Leah had or the cheeky grin Adam sported. Mildred congratulated them and asked when the wedding would take place. Adam shrugged as Leah said they hadn't set that date yet as she had yet to tell her brother.

"Adam, perhaps we should have dinner and talk about these things. Your father did suggest you might want to stay in town again. First though, could we go send a wire to my brother to tell him the news? He's going to be very surprised. If anything could convince him to come here for Christmas, that would be it."

Smiling, Adam nodded. It was if she could read his mind already. Perhaps Hoss had been giving her lessons. As Leah went to change out of her riding skirt and into a dress for dinner, Mildred talked with Adam. She told him that she approved very much of this marriage and hoped he and Leah would be happy.

"Will, will, you he, help her get read, ready for the wedding?"

"I most certainly will. In fact, I would be delighted to be the mother of the bride. I never had any children survive to adulthood, so I've never had the privilege of seeing one of them married. This is like a dream come true for me too."

Slowly Adam explained that the expenses were to be put on the Ponderosa accounts at the general store and with the seamstress. Any other expenses, Adam would pay directly. He told her that they would tell her the date as soon as they had one. Then Leah was back dressed in one of her gray dresses. Adam frowned.

"I only have the gray, black, and navy dresses or the green party dress. I promise I will sew up a few more casual dresses for wearing to lunch or dinner with you. Is that all right?"

With a smile, Adam offered her his arm. They sent the wire to her brother, visited with Paul and then with Roy telling them their news, and finally got to the restaurant. In their discussion, Adam wanted to get married as soon as they could, but Leah wanted to wait until her brother arrived to set the final date.

"Adam, no matter what his opinion is on this marriage, he will want to be there, and I want him to be there. I need to know when he can be here before I can agree to a date. I hope that is not too disappointing to you."

"No, I am happy. I am not patient enough." Adam found that if he talked very slowly and deliberately, he could avoid the stutter.

"Oh, I understand how you feel. If it was just me, we could get married tonight." Then Leah blushed when she realized what she had revealed. It wasn't something a lady was supposed to admit. She wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. She looked around the restaurant to make sure no one had heard her. If anyone had, they were too polite to acknowledge it. She resolved to be more careful in what she was saying when there was a potential audience. She looked up to see that Adam was grinning at her discomfiture.

"That's good to know." He grinned more, but the waitress brought the main course then, and he said nothing more about that. When they had finished dinner and were enjoying coffee, Adam asked if she would like him to shop with her in the morning for cloth for dresses. He had some time before he would head back home, and she thought that would be nice. Then it was late and they hadn't even noticed that it was snowing heavily. Adam walked with Leah back to the boardinghouse and actually carried her a few times where the snow had blown into small drifts. He carried her up the walk to the porch, and in the protection of the porch roof, kissed her goodnight in a way that she knew it was the last thing he wanted to do. He touched her cheek once then before she opened the door to the boardinghouse and Adam had to head for his room at the hotel. Mildred had given them that moment of privacy, but if it had lasted any longer, she was ready to open the door and speed Adam on his way. With Leah's brother coming, Mildred was going to do her best to make sure that there wasn't any unpleasant gossip about town.

The next morning after shopping, Leah bid Adam goodbye with a chaste kiss. She was learning to be careful what she did with her Cartwright in public. Apparently anything that happened to any of the Cartwrights was news to be shared all over town. Mildred had talked with her a bit about that the night before to warn her of the possible gossip that would result if they were seen as being too familiar before the wedding. The snow had stopped but there were icy spots. Leah knew she would worry about Adam riding in those conditions, and then realized that she would be worrying about him in all sorts of circumstances for many years to come. The realization of what she had agreed to do hit her then. She was very quiet as Mildred helped her carry her packages to her room. The packages seemed heavier than she thought they should be, and she discovered why when she opened them. All the cloth she had looked at including those that she had thought too expensive were in that first package of cloth for dresses. The second package of sundries for sewing included not only needles, thread, bits of ribbon and lace, and backing material but also some beautiful hair combs as well as a tortoiseshell mirror, comb, and brush set that she had admired while she was in the store with Adam. She shook her head looking at all of the treasure.

"You didn't know he bought all of that for you, did you?"

Leah sighed and smiled. She guessed she needed to have a talk with Adam about buying her so much and said as much to Mildred.

"He's in love, dearie. He's showing you how much. Now accept what he's given you in the spirit in which it was given. My Rufus and I had to budget very carefully for food the month he got me those beautiful combs. It was something he felt he had to do, and I understood that and knew he did it out of love. Your Adam won't be suffering at all for these gifts. If he starts to overdo it, then you could say something, but these are actually very practical gifts for a woman who is going to marry one of the wealthiest men in the west."

Leah had never thought of it that way. She didn't think of Adam as a wealthy man, but she knew he was. She looked at Mildred then and asked what she had to ask. "So he will be taking me to parties and events, and I'll need to look the part, won't I?"

"Yes, dear. Adam looks most comfortable in that black shirt and pants he likes to wear, but there are times I have seen him dressed as well as any dandy although he always looks like a man when he dresses well. He and his family work hard, but they are also very important people and sometimes have to dress for that too. My guess is that he has some pretty fancy clothes for himself in that wardrobe of his."

Leah remembered the maroon robe he liked to wear when he was first recovering, and the quality of the shirts he wore that she knew he got from the seamstress who made them from the finest cotton cloth. She looked at her hand and the engagement ring on it realizing for the first time that those small diamonds and emeralds were far more expensive than anything she owned or perhaps were worth more than everything she owned. She sat on the edge of the bed then contemplating how her life would change.

"You're just now realizing that you are going to be a wealthy woman, aren't you? Now you see that's why Adam loves you so much. You see him as a man who loves you, and you have come to love him for all those wonderful qualities he has. Those others saw him as a wealthy handsome bachelor who would be a great catch. I guess it's no wonder it took so long for Adam to find the right one. Hard for a man to sort through all that chafe to find the treasure he's been seeking."

"He had all those pretty women chasing after him and he chose me."

"Don't be so surprised, dearie. You know what kind of man he is. Honestly, a man like Adam needs a woman to stand strong beside him not just one who'll fall into his bed to try to win his money."

Leah blushed a bit at that because she had been thinking about falling into bed with Adam and what that would be like. Mildred sat beside her on the bed then and asked how much she knew about being with a man. As it turned out, Leah knew very little about that.

"I've seen men naked, and I've seen men reacting to my touch when I cared for them, but about being with a man, I know very little about what actually happens. Medical training doesn't prepare you for that, and although I'm sure my brother knows a lot about it, he's never mentioned anything to me. I know when Adam kisses me, it makes my body tingle, but that's all we've done."

Now Mildred had only ever been with one man, but she had loved him dearly. She told Leah what she knew about a man and a woman in bed and how fulfilling it could be even if there were a few things that might be uncomfortable at first. She assured Leah that Adam was a gentleman and would be very concerned for her.

While Mildred was counseling Leah and helping her plan the wedding, Leah's brother was on his way to Virginia City to rescue his sister, and Adam was busy on the Ponderosa. There was a lot of heavy snow to remove from roofs. At this time of year, they could get rain too, and if it soaked the already heavy snow load, roofs might collapse. Chores took longer to do, and the roads were treacherous so Adam didn't get to town for several days. By the time he arrived, Leah's brother was in town and had already talked to her about going back to San Francisco with him. When Adam arrived at the boardinghouse, Mildred was very relieved to see him.

"Now you get over to Caldwell's restaurant. That brother of hers is bound and determined to take her back to San Francisco with him. He's been working on her since yesterday. She's a strong woman, but there's only so much pressure you can take from your family."

Adam hurried in the direction of the restaurant and saw Leah leaving with a young man who looked a lot like her. He continued toward them, and Leah saw him, waved, and looked very relieved to see him.

"Adam, this my brother, Lemuel. Lemuel, this is Adam. Lemuel just saw my ring, and he asked if you robbed a bank. I assured him that you did not. Did you?" Leah grinned as she said that hoping to get a smile from Adam, but he was too busy sizing up Lemuel to notice that she had been humorous. Adam must have heard her though for he next offered to give a tour of the Ponderosa to Lemuel as soon as the snow melted enough for safe travel.

"And yet you came to town. Are you in the habit then of doing hazardous things? I made a trip to the newspaper office. It seems you have been in gunfights, been convicted of murder at one point, and involved in a number of other questionable activities."

"Lemuel!"

"Nora, you need to know what this man is. You're blinded by your infatuation with a cowboy and don't see all the negative ramifications of being associated with him."

In all of that, Adam mainly noticed one thing. "Nora!"

"Oh, didn't she tell you her real name? Now that is telling, isn't it? Her name is Leonora. I've called her Nora since she was born as did my parents."

"Adam, I never liked that nickname so I started calling myself Leah when I worked as a nurse in the War. Lem knows that, but he's simply being difficult. I told him just a few minutes ago that he was obdurate, and he's been snippy ever since."

"I am not 'snippy' or obdurate. You are the obstinate one."

They sounded so much like a brother and sister that Adam had to smile. There was no possible way for him to keep up in such a conversation. His speech was getting better but was still slow, and he stuttered when he tried to rush. Leah looked at him in frustration knowing why he couldn't say anything and yet wishing she had him as an ally at that moment. He did what he could do as he took her left hand in his and kissed it. She smiled, and suddenly Lem was quiet. That was a gesture he never expected from a cowboy. He had heard that Adam Cartwright was no simple cowboy but had been reluctant to believe it. Now he knew he had to re-evaluate his thoughts about the man and about the marriage.

"I'm sorry. We must have made a very bad impression to be sparring like that when I first met you."

"We didn't make a bad impression. You did. Adam already knows me."

Ignoring what his sister had said, Lem addressed Adam. "Now I've tried to talk my sister out of this marriage, but she is bound and determined to marry you. She is of age so I cannot forbid it, but you may have to wait for a year. I couldn't possibly get away again until next year at this time, and because Nora wants me at the wedding, I guess you'll have to set the date a year from now."

"No." Adam's answer was simple but spoken forcefully.

"Well, I suppose you could come to San Francisco to get married. That way I could free up a weekend to be available to walk my sister down the aisle."

"No."

"Say now, be reasonable. I have given you two perfectly good options."

"No. Now."

"Now? You can't get married now! Where would you live?"

"P, p, Ponderosa."

"You would live in your father's house when you got married. That is a little old fashioned don't you think. I doubt my sister would accept that situation."

"Yes, I would like that. But what do you mean by now? I don't have a dress ready yet, and we would have to plan the party."

"Already giving party. New Year's party. Ge, ge, get married, then."

"And that's a week and a half. I could have my dress ready by then, and Hop Sing does make the most wonderful food."

"Wait a minute here. You plan to get married in a week and a half. What will people think? And who is Hop Sing? What's going on here?"

"Dear Lem, I hope you brought your good suit. I need you to give me away in a week and a half at my wedding." Turning toward Adam, Leah had an important question. "Adam, what if the minister can't make it to the party?"

"Invited."

"Oh, that's perfect then. We only have to tell him what we want. I bet he would like to do that. Lem, isn't it wonderful. Now, Adam had said you could stay on the Ponderosa for Christmas. Would you like that? If you agree, then I can stay there too. No one would think anything scandalous was happening if you were there as my chaperone."

Lem threw his hands up in surrender. "All right. Whatever you want. I'll do it. Isn't it going to be crowded out there with both of us staying with them?"

"Oh, Lem, you have no idea."

Within two days, Lem agreed to come out to the Ponderosa. Leah had time until then to get her dress fitted, and to work with Mildred on some of the things she would want for her wedding night. Leah made sure that Mildred was to be a guest on the Ponderosa on New Year's Eve, and then to be her friend and help her dress the next day. Mildred was very excited about being on the Ponderosa for two parties, the small family gathering on New Year's Eve, and then the wedding and party the next day.

On the Ponderosa, preparations were underway for guests on Christmas, the New Year's Eve party, and the wedding and party the next day. Hop Sing was muttering all the time it seemed so when Adam came to town to get Leah and Lem, he asked if one of Hop Sing's many 'cousins' could come out to help with the work. Hoss was in town for supplies and gave the man a ride to the ranch and alleviated some of Hop Sing's worries.

Lem was suitably impressed by the Ponderosa and by the guest rooms that were given to him and to Leah who took the room she had used while caring for Adam. Lem tried one more time to convince Leah not to marry Adam saying that Adam was mistaking his gratefulness for her care for love. This last time was to help convince himself that Leah was committed to this marriage and had no doubts, but what he succeeded in doing was creating some small doubt where none had existed.

On Christmas Eve as Adam walked Leah to her room, he could tell she was concerned about something. "Wha, wha, what's wrong?"

Leah knew that Adam's concern was genuine because the more he cared, the greater trouble he seemed to have with stuttering yet. She told him that Lem had said Adam might still be affected by the love a patient often has for a nurse who helps him when he needs help so much. Adam looked at her and then pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. He whispered in her ear.

"First you helped me, and then you touched my mind, and then my heart and soul. I love you with all that I possess."

The need to reassure Leah of his love had let Adam speak more clearly and with a much longer complex statement than he had been able to say until then. She saw that his eyes were glistening with tears as he wanted so much for her to know his love was true and pure. She smiled and pulled him to her.

"I love you so much. In a week, we'll be getting ready for the wedding. I can hardly sleep at night as it is. It's going to be so difficult to be that nervous for that long."

"Is it the wedding or the wedding night that scares you so?"

"Both."

"I'll be there for you. I'll be by your side, and I will do everything that I can to make the day and the night wonderful for you."

"I know. That's what makes waiting so difficult."

Adam kissed her goodnight then before he was tempted too much to follow her into her room. She knew it too, and it made her feel beautiful even if she knew she wasn't a beautiful woman. Adam had whispered to her that she was his beautiful angel, but she thought it was because he loved her that he would say such things. She had no idea that Adam was thinking that her heart, soul, and mind were especially beautiful, and he did mean it very much but also thought she was beautiful. He desired her for everything that she was, and he did find her physically attractive as well but her experience in the War had led her to a different perspective on herself. Nurses were supposed to be plain looking and preference was given to those with glasses and those who were older. That a young woman like Leah was allowed to be an angel of mercy led her to believe that she was so very plain looking that they had ignored the fact that she was young and didn't wear glasses. Adam was going to have to convince her otherwise.

The next morning was Christmas and Adam was up early. As he got downstairs and approached the dining table, he smiled at his father."Mer, mer, merry Chris, Chris, Christmas, Pa." Just three words and said with a stutter and a still slightly hoarse voice, but the words were magical to Ben Cartwright. Months earlier, an innocent set of circumstances had led to a grueling recuperation for his son, but now there was a wedding only a week away, and Adam was almost back to normal. Ben poured a cup of coffee for Adam who accepted it gratefully.

"Have trouble sleeping, son?"

Very slowly so he wouldn't stutter, Adam responded. "Yes. I was thinking that in a week, my life will change forever. It's a good thing. But I'm thinking about all the possibilities. It's a big change."

"Yes, it will be, but it will be a wonderful change too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

The Christmas gifts were opened with a lot of enthusiasm. The most meaningful gift was one that Leah from Adam. It was a large black satchel and was filled with things nurses or doctors might need in the care of a patient. He was letting her know in the most practical way that he wanted her to continue to do the work she desired so much to do. She kissed him for that one, and was very pleased with the other gifts from the family including a saddle that was sized for her and emblazoned with the Cartwright brand as well as her new initials.

After all the gifts were opened, Adam pulled out his guitar to play music for singing of carols. As the family began singing the first one, Adam joined in. When singing, he had no stutter and no hesitation. As he sang, Leah stopped singing mesmerized by his voice. It was so beautiful that she forgot about anyone else singing and stared at Adam. He noticed and smiled at her. After several songs, Adam began to play one that was unfamiliar to the others and began singing Un flambeau, Jeannette, Isabelle! in French looking only at Leah as he sang.

When Adam finished singing, the room was very quiet until Lem responded to all the music with a question. "Do you like opera?"

Joe and Hoss groaned very dramatically for they were afraid that Adam would start singing that next. Instead he smiled at their antics, nodded, and began to play Jingle Bells, which he knew was the favorite of his brothers. The rest of the week passed just as pleasantly as they took sleigh rides, had snowball fights, and did quite a lot of singing. Soon it was New Year's Eve, and preparations for the wedding and the party were in full swing. Adam and Leah went to town to pick up Mildred and some last minute supplies as well as Leah's dress. As they drove to town, Adam pulled the team to a stop.

"Why are we stopping? Is something wrong?"

"Yes, something is very wrong. We haven't had any time to ourselves for a week. I hardly got to sneak a kiss now and then. With my father and your brother chaperoning, there wasn't a chance to do this." Adam pulled Leah into an embrace and a passionate kiss making her shiver. "Are you cold?"

"No, it's just that your kisses are making me do that. Let's try it again to see if it works one more time."

With a grin showing that dimple, Adam leaned down and kissed her deeply as she responded in kind. They kissed and caressed each other for several minutes. If not for the cold, the coats, and the blanket over their legs, things might have progressed even further.

"I guess I can see why my brother was so worried this week. If we were at home alone, then there is no possible way I would want you to stop."

"I've dreamed about you at night. It makes it very difficult to get back to sleep. I wanted to go to you and kiss you, but I knew I shouldn't."

"Well, now that you can't, I'm telling you I wanted you to come to me. I dreamed of you too, and now I'm looking forward to our first night together."

"What about tonight?"

"Mildred is staying in my room with me. For some reason, your brothers said she can't use the downstairs guest room."

"I have an idea about that, but we'll have to let it be their surprise. Now I suppose we should be on our way, but feel free to ask me to stop anytime you feel the need for a kiss or a hug or both."

"I'm afraid if I did that, we wouldn't get to town in time to complete our errands. We best just be good and wait until tomorrow."

"Whatever you say, my beautiful lady."

"Adam, you don't have to say that."

"Say what? That you're my beautiful lady?"

"Yes, I know I'm plain. It's all right."

After having just gotten the team started, Adam stopped them again. "Sweetheart, you are not plain. You are wonderful, and I love to look at you, hug you, hold you, and kiss you. You are my beautiful lady."

Overcome with too much emotion to even speak, Leah leaned into Adam as he wrapped an arm around her. He managed to get the reins into his left hand and snapped them. The two of them stayed like that until they reached town. After picking up the dress and supplies, Adam drove the carriage to the boardinghouse and helped Mildred to the carriage. After stowing her bag with the supplies, he climbed in and turned the team to head to the Ponderosa only to be stopped by Patricia who waved them to a stop.

"Adam, I know it must have been an oversight with everything that was happening."

"Patricia, what was an oversight?"

"I didn't get my invitation to the wedding. Now I know you must have meant to invite me, didn't you?"

Leah intervened in the conversation then. "Well, of course, Patricia. You are welcome to attend. I know there will be several handsome unmarried men there who would be so pleased to have time to spend with you."

A bit surprised by Leah's statement, Patricia did manage to smile and say of course she would be there. Adam stared at Leah wondering why she had done that, but she offered no explanation. On the way to the ranch, Mildred finally had to ask and got her response.

"Well my brother and Adam's brothers will be there, and there ought to be some single women there for them."

"But Patricia?" Mildred was thinking of all sorts of other young women who would have been better choices.

"Oh, there will be a couple of others. I saw Joe adding names to the list, but it would be good that one or two of the young women invited were not ones he was pursuing."

Both Adam and Mildred shook their heads at Leah's logic, but then began talking about the wedding and other more pleasant topics. That night the family celebrated with the small gathering of family with Lem and Mildred as well as Hop Sing. Joe shot off some fireworks he had gotten because Adam had said he didn't want them at his wedding. It was a wonderful display against the light snow cover on everything and the nearly full moon that was shining too. Then it was time for everyone to get some sleep because it was going to be a big day.

As the big day dawned, Adam was up early again and had another cup of coffee with his father.

"Any last words of advice to your son who is about to be a husband?"

"Just a few hard earned ones. Remember the promises you've made before you married. Those are very important to keeping your wife happy no matter how difficult it might be to keep those promises. And treat her every day as if you are still courting her and need to win her heart."

"Thank you. You do know that we'll probably be building a house."

"Yes, I'll miss having you here in the house with us, but I know that Leah wants to continue working, and that wouldn't be practical if you are living here. You will build on the Ponderosa though won't you?"

"Yes, but the house will likely be closer to Carson City than to Virginia City. We talked briefly about it and haven't made a final decision, but that seems to make the most sense to both of us. We'll look at sites in the spring and make a final decision."

"I'm looking forward to having a daughter-in-law. You could not have found a nicer woman to marry."

"I think so too, and I want her to always know what a treasure she is."

"Last night you looked like you had something on your mind. The two of you looked very serious after the fireworks. Any problem?"

"Not a problem, but I did have something on my mind. I wanted Leah to know that I have some bad qualities. She said she already guessed that from the time when I was her patient. I thought I did well but apparently not as well as I thought."

"You did do well, but you had a lot to face. It would have made anyone surly or moody at times. We all understood, and your reactions were less than what Doc Martin had us thinking they would be. I have to believe that Leah being here was a big part of that."

"She is wonderful. I'm actually rather glad now that I was hurt. I might never have met her otherwise. Now I can't imagine life without her."

"That's a good thought to hold when the two of you don't agree on something, and there will be those things that create friction between you. Just keep that thought in mind, and you'll come through those times very well."

Father and son finished breakfast chatting about the day, and Adam mentioned that Leah had invited Patricia. Ben hoped she wouldn't create any trouble. Adam mentioned that Leah thought that his brothers and her brother needed some single women at the wedding and party making Ben shudder at the thought that either of his sons would be interested in Patricia. He didn't need to worry though because Leah had that covered.

After breakfast, the men moved furniture and placed decorations before dressing for the wedding. Leah and Mildred were in a guest bedroom all morning. Hop Sing brought their breakfast to them and brought water for a bath. When noon was approaching and guests had arrived, Lem went to the bedroom to ask if Leah was ready. When she opened the door, he could hardly believe that the woman there was his sister. She had a light green dress with ivory trim and a dark green velvet jacket. Her hair was curled and pinned with matching hairpins with some light lace in a small crown and trailing down her back. Lem had never seen her so elegant. He handed her a box that he said Adam had asked him to give to her as a gift for their wedding. Leah gasped when she opened it because it was a multi-strand gold necklace with small emeralds and small diamonds adorning it. It matched the engagement ring he had given her. It reflected the light and glistened in her hands. Mildred asked if she could help her put it on and Leah agreed.

Mildred left then to get her place downstairs. Lem asked Leah if she was ready and got a big smile as his answer. Slowly they walked to the stairs, paused, and then descended slowly. The talk in the crowd diminished and then was gone as everyone including Patricia was silenced by the entrance of the elegant bride. Adam stood at the bottom step waiting for her. When she reached him, Lem handed her hand to Adam and holding the two hands together, whispered his wish for his sister.

"Please, always treat her well and love her as much as you do today."

"I will. I promise."

Later, neither Leah nor Adam could remember much of the ceremony itself although they did remember pledging their vows to each other. Both also remembered the kiss as Adam nearly forgot he had an audience. There were a few comments about that kiss later as they all knew he pushed the limits of propriety. After Adam and Leah received their guests, it was time for their first dance for the couple. Then Ben danced with Leah, and Lem did as well. Adam danced with Mildred before Patricia snagged him for a dance. He did his best to look pleased but clearly wasn't. Hoss tapped him on the shoulder to cut in rescuing him temporarily, and then when the music stopped again, Leah intervened arriving at Adam's side about the same time as Patricia.

"Patricia, have you met my brother, Lemuel Gibbons? He's a wealthy doctor in San Francisco, and he's still unmarried. Perhaps I could introduce you and you could help him enjoy himself this evening?" Patricia was almost drooling with anticipation so Leah led her over to Lem and introduced the two of them. Lem asked her to accompany him to the buffet, and she readily agreed. Leah hurried back to Adam then.

"I thought you loved your brother. That was a mean thing to do."

"Oh, no, Adam, my brother loves to talk about his work, and he's been unable to do that all week because I told him he couldn't."

"Why would you do that?"

"My brother is a surgeon, and he thinks everyone loves that topic as much as he does. He likes to talk about every surgery he's ever done with every snip, cut, spurt, or rupture that ever happened and describes each thing in stomach turning detail. He does a marvelous job of including everything that happens as he has quite a vocabulary. I told him that Patricia wanted to know all about his work as a surgeon."

"You do have a wicked streak in you, don't you?"

"Just remember that if you ever think to cross me." Leah grinned as Adam frowned before both of them chuckled as they watched Patricia unable to eat the food on her plate and looking rather pale as she sat at a small table with Lem. The other people at that table had gotten up quickly once Lem started talking so there was only Patricia as his captive audience. She had to be suffering wanting this handsome wealthy doctor to like her while her insides had to be churning with the stories he was telling. There was no one to rescue her either for every single male who was there was glad he wasn't the one stuck with Patricia for any part of the party.

As evening approached, the guests left so that they could be home before it was too dark. Even with a full moon, travel would be difficult. Almost everyone left at the same time so that if anyone had a problem, there would be many who could help. Mildred rode back with Roy Coffee and Paul Martin and looked quite happy sitting between the two gentlemen as they left. Lem offered to drive Patricia to town, and she said yes although she wished she could have said no. Lem packed a small bag and said he would stay in town because he was leaving on the stage the next morning. Leah and Adam said their goodbyes to Lem, and then Leah had a question.

"Have you invited Patricia to come visit you in San Francisco?"

"Oh, I didn't, but that is a splendid idea. She's a marvelous conversationalist. I had a wonderful time with her this evening. I think I will." Turning then to head to the carriage where Patricia waited for him, Lem was already asking her before he got all the way into the carriage. He turned and waved to his sister and Adam before pulling a blanket over his legs and Patricia's. His voice could be heard beginning another of his soliloquies on surgery as the carriage began to leave. Adam and Leah grinned and then had to explain to the others why it was funny. Ben was the only one to say it was mean, but then he chuckled too for it was funny too.

Once they got back inside, Hoss and Joe pulled the settee in front of the fireplace and told Adam and Leah to sit there and relax while they cleaned up and moved all the furniture back into place. About an hour later, it was done. After having wine to toast the couple, everyone claimed to be so tired that they were turning in early, so by about eight, Adam and Leah were alone in front of the fire.

"Would you like any more wine?"

"No, I think I've had enough wine. Adam, now what?"

"Now we find out why my brothers didn't want you using the downstairs guest bedroom."

After banking the fire and putting the fire screen in front of it, Adam pulled Leah up and picked her up to carry her to the closed bedroom door. He had heard Hoss and Joe opening and closing that door a few times while he and Leah had waited on the settee. When he pushed the door open, they found that the room had been transformed. A fire was burning in the small fireplace making the room very warm. There were candles burning on the small table and on each of the bedside stands. There was wine and cake on the table as well as a plate of chocolates. Adam set Leah down and pushed the door closed.

"They were so sweet to do this for us."

"Yes, and I'm especially glad that the room is so nice and warm."

"Why?" But then she knew and blushed.

After removing his coat and hanging it over a chair, Adam unbuttoned and removed his brocade vest and hung that too. Then he slipped off his boots and socks pushing them under the bed. Stepping close to Leah, he pulled the pins from her hair removing the lace and letting the long curls fall loosely about her shoulders. Leah remembered the first time he had done that and her body tingled as it had then. Adam helped her slip off her jacket, which he laid over his coat and vest. Then he stepped in and pulled her into an embrace after running his hands softly down her bare arms. As he held her and kissed her, he began to unhook the buttons on the back of her dress. Once they were undone, he helped her slip the dress down to the floor and step out of it. He laid that carefully over the other clothing on the chair before stepping back to embrace and kiss her again.

"What about your clothing?"

"You can help me out of my clothing too if you wish."

"I wish." Leah began by unbuttoning Adam's shirt and pulling it from his trousers. Then she slid it from his shoulders and let it drop to the floor before running her hands across his chest and then down across his stomach.

Shivering a little with Leah's touch, Adam began untying the ribbons on her corset. When that was undone, he took it and tossed it behind him before untying the bows that held her petticoats up and they fell to the floor. She stood in only her chemise and drawers then. Adam took her hands and put them on his belt buckle. She was nervous by then, and he smiled as she struggled a bit to undo the belt and then unbutton his trousers. When his trousers dropped to the floor, he was naked before her.

"You've seen me almost naked before."

"Yes, but that was almost and not at all like this."

Slipping his hands beneath her chemise, Adam pulled it up and off when Leah raised her arms to help. Then he untied her pantaloons letting them drop to the floor as well before pulling Leah into and embrace and kissing her as their naked bodies pressed together. He picked her up then and carried her to the bed laying her gently on the bed that had the covers pulled back. She wanted to pull the covers over them, but he shook his head.

"No, I want to see you when I make love with you the first time. Now c'mere."

An hour later, Leah was resting her head on Adam's shoulder as he softly ran his hand up and down her back. She had to agree that it had been wonderful to see him too as they made love, but she was getting cold. It was as if he knew for he sat up and reached for the covers pulling them over the two of them.

"I have a beautiful gown that Mildred helped me pick out for my wedding night."

"I'm sure that Mildred knew you probably weren't going to need it tonight."

"She probably did."

"Did she tell you what your wedding night was going to be?"

"Yes, and it was all that she said it would be and then a bit more. I love you, Adam."

"I love you, Leah. Happy new year."

"And may we celebrate every new year like we did this one."

"Now that sounds like a wonderful idea. Perhaps we should practice a bit more."

"It's like you can read my mind."


End file.
